Joanne the Coach

Spring Forward

Crikey, it's April already - how did that happen?  Got distracted by some Lidl ludicrousness, and the next thing you know the daffodils are up. 

So 2008 is already one quarter down.  How's it going for you so far?

Every month this year I have been writing down goals I'm aiming for in that month.  It's useful, but because everyone gets motivated differently, you have to play around with the wording to find the version that works for you.  For some reason, aiming to go to the gym 3 times a week just doesn't do it for me, but when I aim to go 12 times a month, somehow it happens.  Why is that?  The numbers and results are basically the same.

I am a great believer in the power of writing things down as a trigger to make them happen.  Just that little step of taking the idea out of your head and on to the page often seems to be enough to tip it into reality.

If you have been coached by me, you will be familiar with The Big Form I give you to fill in before the first coaching session.  I am thinking of renaming it The Magic Form, because it does seem to have powers beyond what's legally decent for a simple piece of paper. 

On the back page clients fill in the things they'd like to achieve in the next few months.  Over the next few months we tend to look back over the form to see how things are going.  Sometimes people will change their goals, and discover that the things they wanted aren't what they thought they were in the first place anyway.

But the amazing part of it is how often people do get exactly what they asked for.  So many times, the client and I have gone back over the form and been able to tick off that yes, they did get exactly what they wanted.

So if there's something you want to happen this year, write it down.  Don't write it down then lose it.  Write it and look back on it regularly:  check your progress, change what you need to.  These questions will help:

• What are you currently doing that you want to keep doing? (both in work and personal life)
• What are you currently doing that you don't want to continue with long term? 
• When will you stop this?
• What would an ideal working week/month look like to you? (Maybe make a diary of it)
• What are you not currently doing that you would like to?
• What needs to change to make that happen?
• What can you personally do to affect this? 
• When will you do that? (Recognising the bits you can't affect might help you avoid putting too much energy into them)

New Year Resolutions - A Fresh Chance

Doncha just love it when a survey confims what you already suspected?  So thank you Professor Richard Wiseman and team at the University of Hertfordshire for your study which confirms that, for New Year Resolutions to work, it helps to

a)  Make them specific

b) Tell as many people as possible what you intend to do

Below is my extended version of this distilled wisdom.

10 tips for sticking to your New Year's Resolutions

1. Make specific goals.  In business-speak, goals should be SMART, ie Specific, Measurable, Agreed, Realistic and Time framed.  Trying to reach a vague goal is like trying to wrestle a jelly.  So instead of saying 'I will lose weight', go for something like "I will lose 5 lb by the 1st February 2008".

2. Write it down - taking your resolution out of your head and on to the page is the next step in making it a reality.  Writing out potential action plans and due dates makes the goal even more powerful.  Get some Post-its and stick your goals in places you'll see them every day.  When you set a time frame, write it down in your diary (following the example above, write what your weight will be when you've lost 5lb on 1st February page)

3. Get someone to keep track.  Make yourself as accountable to as many people as you can.  Tell everyone you know what you're going to do.  People who love you will want to support you.  A life coach will help you to keep on track when the going gets tough because they’re trained in helping people like you achieve their goals.  For more info on coaching check out this page.

4. Book a reward.  Celebrate your achievements and reward yourself for the action you take, rather than focusing on all you still have to do.  Every effort deserves a pat on the back.  Book something great like a facial or a massage or a night out for you to look forward to after your 1st month of effort.  In doing so you'll be sending a big message to your subconscious that you are going to succeed.

5. Imagine life if you didn't stick to your resolutions.  Think ahead to this time next year and imagine what your life would be like if you didn't change at all.  What if you were still like this in 5 years time?  Pretty scary, eh?  Now think about how life could be if you made the changes you want to.  The difference between these two pictures will be a big motivation.

6. Really think about the resolutions and why you're making them.  We've all woken up with a hangover on the 1st January and vowed never to drink, smoke, eat or snog unsuitable men ever again.  Are you making your resolutions for your own reasons or for other people's?  You've more chance of succeeding with 3 changes you really want to make than with 10 you're not that bothered about.  If you're not really excited about your resolutions why are you making them?

7. Think about previous resolutions - why did you keep them, what helped or hindered you?  Review your goals regularly throughout the year - give yourself permission to change your resolutions based on changing circumstances

8. Don't attempt to totally reinvent yourself in a week - gradual changes are more likely to stick.  You did not get this way overnight, you will not change in a day either.  Aim for 1 small change a week.  For example, it's unrealistic to think that you'll go from being a gym hater to attending 3 times a week.  So start small with maybe once a week doing an activity you find exciting.

9. Prioritise - if you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

10. Take action as soon as possible to achieve your goal.  Think of what the easiest step would be to achieve your goal and just do it.

And finally, as 2008 comes so close we have to embrace it.....

Athbhliain faoi Mhaise Daoibh

That's Happy New Year in Irish for you.  Try saying that when you've had a few.

Shopping for Inspiration

The fabulous writer and motivational speaker Dr Wayne Dyer makes this distinction between motivation and inspiration:  'Motivation is when you get hold of an idea.  Inspiration is when an idea gets hold of you.' 

It's such a great, simple way of looking at it.  Kind of explains why motivation can be so hard to ignite sometimes, whereas inspiration just pulls you along.  We all need more inspiration in our lives.

So thank you Mr Tesco for sending me your list of "inspiring" groceries (wtf??), but if I want inspiring in the supermarket I will mosey on over to Lidl if it's all the same to you.  Even though its stores tend to be prison-like lumps in the backarses of cities, their weekly range of specials ranges from the implausible (scuba diving equipment) to the plain impractical (riding gear in the inner city).  But that's what I like about it.  Essentially they are saying - Yes, you may live in the poxiest nubbin of town, but you can ride, you can ski, you can scuba dive, you can be a spaceman.... 

OK so I made the last one up, but I wouldn't be at all surprised to see a space suit dumped amongst the Prosecco.  You can find inspiration in the strangest of places.

Getting Organised: The To Don't List

Have you ever written a To Do list that was so vast and daunting in its scale that you felt like going straight back to bed and staying there for the rest of the year?

Every Sunday night I write a list of the things I need to do for the next week.  This week's was particularly epic.  It had loops and arches and tasks both interconnected and disparate - places to be, stuff to take, things to remember - usually at opposite ends of the city at the same time.

Lists aren't for everybody:  in NLP terms, they work if you're a visual person, because you can see what you've written down.  They can also work if you're a kinaesthetic (touchy/feely) person because the physical act of writing stuff down will help ensure that you remember it.  But if you're an aural person, who needs to hear stuff, then a list probably won't do it for you (unless of course you get someone to read it out to you).  So if you're a listmaker who still can't get anything done, just remember it's not you, it's your communication style.

So now I am experimenting with a 'To Don't' List of things I don't intend to do.  Should go nicely with my Christmas Unlist, of gifts I don't want to receive (I know that sounds a bit ungrateful, but trust me, there's a lot of fun to be had from spotting something grim and announcing that it's going on the Unlist).

And now this week's To Don't list looks like this:

Don't Panic - whatever needs to get done will get done.  Most probably by you, or a small person if you give them 50p.

Much more achievable.

To Don't Lists - it's the future I tell ya.   

If you go down to the supermarket today....

If you're in the juice aisle at the supermarket this weekend, check out this promotion from Adez.  They're offering free sessions with nutritionists, personal trainers and life coaches.  I'm one of the coaches taking part, so could be coaching you via the medium of juice.

Or you could just cut out the beverage and get in touch directly.  Current coaching packages are here.

From Comfort Eating to Comfort Living

I wrote this article for a women's magazine a few years ago and had lots of feedback from people who found it helpful.  Hope you do too...

TURN COMFORT EATING INTO COMFORT LIVING

So you’ve had a hard day at work.  The boss was a beast, the boyfriend didn’t ring and now you’re home even the cat’s in a mood.  You’re feeling down and you need some comfort – and if it comes shaped like a tub of ice cream and tasting like double chocolate chip, all the better.   Yes, you might feel sick as a pig tomorrow, but for now at least, you’ll feel good fast.

One of the big differences between so-called 'naturally thin' people and those who aren't is that the skinnies don't generally use food as anything other than stuff to eat.  The rest of us, however, will use it for comfort, to de-stress, as a reward, to stave off boredom - anything other than the purpose for which it was intended.  Food becomes less of a way to provide yourself with nutrition and more of a way to bliss all your cares away.  So how can you break the cycle of comfort eating?  Is it really as simple as looking for comfort elsewhere?

WHAT IS IT?
The first thing to realise is that it’s not just about you being a greedy pig who can’t cope – the actual foods themselves have a role to play in this scenario.  They don’t call it comfort food for nothing.   Comfort eating is something that’s instilled in us from the moment we’re born.  A baby cries, and its mother comforts it with milk. 

A study at the University of Illinois in 2000 found that the main reasons why people choose certain foods as comfort foods are past associations and personality identification (“My mum always used to give me ice cream when I was ill”).  They also found that preferred comfort foods differed by age, with 18-34 year olds preferring ice cream and biscuits, 35 to 54 year olds pigging out on pizza and pasta and the over 55’s going for heartier stuff like soup and potatoes.

What’s more, eating this stuff really does make you feel good.  Gillian Riley, author of Beating Overeating says “There’s a reason why we don’t grab a stick of celery when we want to use food to cheer ourselves up – it’s all to do with the Glycaemic Index (GI) of foods.  Foods with a high GI give you a quicker high – you feel good faster”.  Foods with a high GI include (surprise surprise) sugary stuff, chips and white bread.

The fact that this fast energy rush results in an emotional feeling is all down to how your brain works.  Deanne Jade of the National Centre for Eating Disorders points out that “The centres in our brain that process the chemicals from food are very close to our emotional centres and they affect each other.  So if you’re feeling down it may have as much to do with what you had for breakfast yesterday as anything else.  If you’re eating lots of sugar and refined food, it’s not surprising that your emotions will become scattered.”

Ashok Gupta, director of the Harley Street Stress Management Clinic adds “Food represents something you do have control over which can provide a perceived instant comfort from negative emotions, and so it seems easier to do this than to deal with the source of these emotions.  However, the comfort is often short lived, and people normally end up feeling worse afterwards, both physically and emotionally.”

WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?
Remember that to comfort eat is to some extent natural and normal – what could be more comforting and warming on a winter’s day than a bowl of hot soup? A spot of comfort eating from time to time isn’t a problem if you are generally eating well and being active.  Only you can decide whether you’re doing it often enough for it to be a problem.  If you’re eating in response to every emotional challenge that comes your way, then it may be time to look at what’s going on under the surface.

Eat well as much as you can.  Deanne Jade says “If you get physically stable first then you will become emotionally stable.  Regular healthy eating can change your emotional state in a major way.”     Starvation diets will only leave your body and mind feeling deprived.  A decent breakfast will set you up for the day and will leave you less likely to fall prey to comfort binges later in the day.  Following the principle of feed your body, feed your mind, a well nourished body will produce a well nourished mind that is less prone to mood swings.  The health website www.healthclinic.co.uk advocates learning to live by the 80:20 rule:  “80% of food should be to maintain health and 20% of food for pleasure.  This translates to trying to ensure that every plate of food contains mainly low GI foods and a small amount of high GI foods.”  In other words, if there are more baked beans than crisps on your plate, you’re getting there.

Work out why you’re really eating.  You may already know this, or it may take a bit more soul searching.  Deanne Jade suggests you ask yourself what kind of hunger it really is – emotional or physical? For a week, keep a food diary and note down everything you eat.  Also note how you felt at the time – were you hungry?  What else did you feel?

Once you’ve identified what need the food is meeting, it’s time to see how you can meet those needs in other ways.  Write out a list of at least 10 things that you find comforting – it could be taking a long hot bubble bath, talking to a friend, going for a run, lingering over your favourite magazine – anything as long as it’s not food related.  Look for things that give you lasting satisfaction rather than immediate pleasure.  For example, the endorphins released in just twenty minutes of hard exercise elevate your mood and energy levels for up to two hours afterwards.

Next, make a point of doing at least one of these things at least once a day.  The point of this is to build up your reservoirs of comfort and wellbeing – you’re less likely to reach for the chocolate in times of stress of you take steps to avoid getting all that stressed in the first place.

Next time you feel the urge to eat when you’re not really hungry – as yourself what’s really going on here?  How can you deal with the source of what’s troubling you, rather than mask it with food?  Remember that you don’t have to do it on your own.  Speak to a friend, a counsellor or a coach – anybody who can support you. 

Ashok Gupta also recommends focusing on how you felt after the last time you comfort ate – chances are you felt a bit heavy and bloated.  Focusing on this will eventually cause your mind to associate comfort foods with that bloated feeling afterwards, thus reducing your desire for them.

Ashok also suggests concentrating on the benefits which will come into your life when you reach your ideal weight and figure.  Under the headings personal, social and work, write down at least 10 benefits for each, then put the list up on your wall.  This gives the mind something positive to work towards.

If you’ve tried all this and still find yourself comfort eating, Gillian Riley suggests waiting before you attempt to change your behaviour – just deal with the experience when it happens.  Ask yourself what’s missing in your life?  Where is the gap that you’re trying to plug with food?  Focus on making personal comfort and support a normal part of your everyday life, rather than something that only comes when you eat.  Turn comfort eating into comfort living and you’ll soon start feeling naturally calmer, less stressed and healthier than you have in years.

Further resources:
Joanne Mallon is a life coach and NLP Practitioner.  For further information about life coaching go to www.joannemallon.com
Gillian Riley runs courses on helping people break their addictive relationship with food.  Details from www.eatingless.com
The National Centre for Eating Disorders Tel 01372 469 493 www.eating-disorders.org.uk
The Harley Street Stress Management Clinic Tel 020 7771 3209 www.harleystressclinic.com

(c) Joanne Mallon 2007

Why Don't You....Just Quit Your Job and Go Out and Do Something Less Boring Instead?

Below is the main article on Career Change from this month's motivation newsletter:

One thing I didn't mention in the newsletter which is relevant to this subject is my own experience of career change.  About 6 years ago I walked away from a moderately successful career as a TV producer in order to retrain as a life and career coach (which is much more fun but with less free booze).

And just when all that had settled down, my lovely bloke John came home and said that he wanted to quit his job to write a book.  Now, it is a very scary thing when you are self-employed, and the person in your house with the secure job that pays the mortgage says he doesn't want to do that any more, thanks all the same.  But we did it.  And I still firmly believe that if people like us, with two kids, a mortgage and many responsibilities can take a flying leap in a new direction, anyone can.  Yes, it's scary.  Yes, it may take a ferk of a lot of time, money, energy and sleep.  But better to have a go than end your days wondering 'What if....'.

Here's the article, hope you enjoy it:

The Choice To Change

What Will Happen If You Don't?

When you hate your job, but still have a mortgage and credit card bills to pay, it can be hard to see a way out. When you're stuck in a rut and dreading going into work, it's easy to feel you have no choice. Even some freelancers can feel like this sometimes if they've taken on work they don't enjoy.

While you have a breath in your body, you have a choice about how you live your life. Take a closer look at those bills and ask yourself - how much of this spending is an attempt to make your life better because of the bits of it you dislike?

Look 5 years into the future and imagine how your life would be if you stayed in your current state. How happy would you be? What would your physical and mental health be like?

Changing jobs (or making changes within your current job) will very likely involve a certain amount of energy and possible sacrifice. But can you afford not to do it?

Even if you do decide to change jobs, you may still have to do your current job for at least the next few weeks or months. So what can you do to make that the best experience it can be? How could you lift your days? It could be something as simple as making time to have a good lunch every day. Life's too short to dread every day, so make sure you never take on a job that drains you more than it pays you.

Something Spooky This Way Comes

A few days ago I wrote about the spooky way in which things seem more likely to happen when you write them down.  Now it seems like you don't even have to write them down, just saying out loud what you want is sometimes enough to get things moving too.

One of my clients was unhappy at work.  I asked her what it would take to make work enjoyable again.  Her reply was simple - Person A and Person B were getting monumentally on her wick and she would like them to leave.

Normally coaching is very much centred on personal responsibility - what can I do to change the situation?  If someone else is pushing my buttons, that can only happen if I already have those buttons in the first place.  So we moved away from the failings of persons A and B and looked at what the client could do that might improve the situation.

At the next session, the client called up in excitement.  Person A had resigned from their job and B had been moved to another team.  Work was transformed and she was happy again.  She's got what she asked for, even though it had seemed a very unlikely thing to happen.

I was reminded of this at the weekend whilst coaching teenagers at BAFTA for TVYP.  About 90% of them wanted to be TV presenters.  I admired their enthusiasm and optimism but I wasn't going to hold my breath waiting for them to turn up on the box.  After all, jobs like that virtually never come along, do they?

And then the next day, an email popped into my inbox from a former client.  She was now working at a TV station which was looking for new presenters - did I know any students with no TV experience who might like to try out?

Just when you think you know what to expect from life, the universe goes and hits you with a big Wow.  Some people call it the power of attraction, not sure what I'd call it, but I'm keeping an eye on the magical goal-setting pixies as they do like to surprise us all from time to time.

Write it down - make it so

There is a famous study from Yale University which is often cited by motivational speakers. The story goes that, of the Yale class of 1953, 3% were found to have written down goals for the future. Twenty years later, those 3% were found to have accumulated more wealth than the other 97% of the class combined. Compelling evidence that writing down your goals works.

Except that there's no evidence at all - the whole thing is an urban myth and the study never actually happened. Don't you just hate it when the facts get in the way of a good story? 

The funny thing is though, that over the years of coaching clients, I have found that writing down what you want to happen does seem to make a huge difference to what happens in your life. Maybe it's the fact that you can get more clarity on an issue when you take it out of your head and look at it on paper. Maybe it's that writing things down is enough of a tiny action to inspire you into taking bigger action which leads to change. Maybe it's the magic goal-setting pixies at work. I don't know.

All I know is that it works, so if there's something you want to achieve in your life, start by writing it down and see what you can make happen.