Joanne the Coach

Tried and tested: How to really go to the gym 3 times a week

As 2011 was year four of my gym challenge (in which I aim to go to the gym 150 times a year AKA 3ish times a week), it marked my 600th gym trip.

But hey, who's counting? I certainly frickin' am.

So pulling together what I've learned, for anyone who's joining a gym and is aiming for the '3 times a week' schtick to stick, here's what I've learned:

1. Join the gym that's closest to you
   That's the one you'll go to. The slightly crappy gym you pass on the way home from work always trumps the one with better facilities that's a 10 minute drive in the opposite direction. The easier your gym is to get to, the more likely you are to go to it.
2. Spend the first month trying out all the classes
   Even the ones that sound a bit rubbish that you don't think you'll like or sound too hard. Do them all at least once. Do the ones you like twice. Don't worry about being the worst in the class - every class will have beginners in it, no matter what the time of year. And none of the regulars are judging you, unless you're wearing really bad harem pants, in which case you brought it on yourself.
3. Go 4 times a week
   Look, I didn't promise it was easy. There will be months when you'll be away, busy or simply can't be arsed. So to make your over all average 3 times a week, you need to aim for more than that as often as possible. From last year's stats, I had 4 months with less than 12 gym visits, 3 of 12 exactly (4 weeks, 3 times each) and 5 months where I went more than 12 times. It all evens out in the end.
4. Write it down
   Keep a diary where you note down all the exercise you're doing, and review it regularly.
   Otherwise I can guarantee you'll be kidding yourself about how much you do, and telling yourself you go around 3 times a week, when you only really went twice last month.
5. Accept that you will never get fit
   Fit isn't something you 'get' and then stop and feel pleased with yourself when you've got it. It's a journey, not a destination. A lifelong journey at that. If deep down you hate your gym time and can't face doing it for the rest of your life, find another fitness journey to travel on. If you're doing it right, it should be enjoyable, not a chore. Otherwise, what's the point?

image: ihasahotdog.com

 

Zeppelin-shaped inspiration

As we have seen and heard, inspiration can come from the strangest of places. So last night I was reading Hammer of the Gods: Led Zeppelin Unauthorised (don't ask) and came across this thought-provoking quote from Robert Plant. He's talking about music, but you could easily insert writing, art. film making or any other creative activity designed to leave you financially bankrupt but spiritually full. Plant says:

"You can't give up something you really believe in for financial reasons. If you die by the roadside then you die by the roadside - so be it. But at least you know you've tried. Ten minutes in the music scene was the equal of one hundred years outside of it"

OK so it's a tad cheesy, but without the cheese all you've got is crackers, which is dull.

Air guitars aloft lads!

 

You'll never guess what today is (warning: post contains Stupendous Thighs)

Apparently today, ie the last Thursday in February, is the day on which the great British public feels most motivated to exercise. However, the study from PayasUgym that gleaned this factoid gives no convincing reasons as to why that would be the case. This suggests that those surveyed answered "Yeah, well, whatever" in an attempt to get the surveyor off their back. Apparently "over a quarter of Brits cited cold weather and lack of daylight as the main factors preventing them from exercising" AKA they can't be arsed.

But in case it's true that today really is the motivational high peak of the year, I am off to BodyPump, which involves an hour of weightlifting set to music. Motivationally speaking, it's all downhill from here.

So this is the terrifying BodyPump. You too could have thighs like this:

 Is that motivating enough for you?

Planning to go to the gym 3 times a week? Don't bother

I was interested to read on The Guardian's website that Zoe Williams thinks that the gym is a con.

Williams admits that she doesn't actually use the gym she's a member of. I don't see how you can legitimately call that a con. Nobody forced you to sign up, it's your choice whether to shift yourself and go or not.

What I do think is a big fat con, however, is the widely-held notion that going to the gym 3 times a week is any sort of achievable or desirable aim.

For the last 3 years I have set myself a yearly challenge to go to the gym 150 times - i.e. 3 times a week, with a couple of weeks off for good behaviour. It doesn't sound that much until you start to do it, and keep doing it. And then you find yourself battling through blizzards and rising at the scrake of dawn on weekends just to get there.

To be honest, it's been an enormous pain in the (well toned) arse. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. It's just too bloody much.  Even with monitoring my visits, still somehow the days slip by and I end up going four times a week from September onwards, and virtually every day in December just to make up the numbers. What seems like a modest, achievable aim at the start of the year ends up as a daily slog.

And apart from wearing a groove from my house to the doors of LA Fitness, what have I achieved? Not much on the face of it.

I haven't had a sick day off work in all that time, which I miss because sickies sound like fun. Though as a self employed person who doesn't get sick pay, perhaps that's all the better. There's been a modest amount of weight loss - I've gone from a size 14-16 to a size 12-14. I still look basically chunky. I look better in lycra, but then I only wear lycra to the gym, so it's a bit of a Pyrrhic victory.

I'm ashamed to admit that my gym challenge has made me a little bit mean. I play Gym Top Trumps, where if there is someone next to me in a gym class who is better looking, thinner and younger, but less fit than me, then I WIN. What a meanie I am becoming. This place is morally corrupting my soul.

BodyCombat has taught me four ways to punch and five ways to kick, which I'm sure will come in handy in my future career as a superhero. And it has taught me how to work out to a disco remix of Status Quo without feeling ashamed. But surely I should be ashamed of that. My soul is becoming black and withered and my taste in music is shot to pieces.

On the upside, my mouse-addled right arm which seemed to be wearing out due to too much computer clicking seems to be back to full strength thanks to Body Pump.

So in essence, if you're thinking that thrice weekly gymmage it is a good idea, it isn't. Save your money and energy and stay home instead. Leave the gym to the rest of us soulless fools.

(Yes of course I'm doing it again this year).

 

pic: Flickr - ben_onthemove

Motivation: 10% Perspiration And...Er...I Forget The Rest

So it's around 100 days till the end of the year, and with September being the new January 'n all, this is the time to get moving and do all those things that you intended to do this year.

If I was any kind of coach I would be filling you with motivational hoo ha, accompanied by whale music. But heck, who am I to talk? I haven't even managed to crank out this month's newsletter.

So here is a song to motivate you. WARNING the lyrics are a bit rude. But if you ignore the fact that it's about jiggling your unmentionables, then I think we can all learn a lot here.

You Can Do It

Put Your Back Into It

(Thomas the Tank Engine Remix, so it's slightly less dirty)

The Invisible Book and Why Time to Write is a Necessity, Not a Luxury

When I'm working with new coaching clients, we start by looking at the kinds of things that they're not doing, but would like to be doing. And this is when The Invisible Book often appears.

The Invisible Book is the book you haven't written yet - you know it exists, but no one else can see it yet. Yet still, you know what it's about, how the cover will look and how terrible the reviews will be. 

Time to write (the lack, thereof) is usually cited as the reason why this book stays invisible and only exists in your head. We all have busy lives, with work, family and dull chores claiming our time. Writing time seems like too much of a luxury and slides down the list of priorities.

On a practical basis, this is easy to address: get up a bit earlier, arrange childcare, turn your back on the sink full of dishes and you'll have carved out an hour to write. 

But the mental blocks are often still there, in that most people in possession of The Invisible Book just can't justify taking the time out of their lives to write. Since it's such a luxury, it's hard to convince ourselves that we deserve it.

But let me tell me tell you one very important fact about this book: it may be invisible, but that doesn't mean it's going to disappear.

So if you are one of those people who knows you have a book within you, you might as well get on and write the bugger. It's not going to go away, it's just going to piss you off more. The voices of the people you're going to write about won't go away, they'll just get louder and start waking you up at night.

And don't think that the time you spend in doing so is somehow wasted. Think of how much it pains you not to find time to write now. Once you stop resisting the urge to write, it's like setting off a rocket under the very arse of your life, and everything is boosted.

Writing is an unstoppable urge - just look at all the blogs out there. Nobody is forcing or paying those people to write, and yet they do it anyway. Having a book within you is a lot like having a child within you - they both need to be born at some point. Only with the book you get to control the labour pains. So why make it tough on yourself?

If you take the time to write, the ripples will spread out like warm water. It might not earn you money or clean your sink, but it will leave you feeling calmer, more fulfilled and happier. Doesn't that make it worth it?

New Year Resolutions for Freelancers

So 2010 is off the starting blocks, and next week we will be welcoming Blue Monday. More than just a New Order song or the day to dig out your favourite pornos, it's the Most Miserable Day of the Year - Official!

But the good thing is that once you've got Day of Doom out of the way, it's all uphill from there.

So how can a good freelancer make the most of the coming year? Whilst I'm not keen on resolutions ('cos they have a habit of not happening), intentions are a whole other box of frogs. Saying you intend to do something immediately makes it more focused and likely to happen.

Here are some possible New Year Intentions the freelancers amongst you might want to try on for size:

• More pitching
  Be specific about this if you're really intending to do it - how much more? When will you do it?
• Pitch to at least one new market/publication every month
  This will need to be preceeded by identifying and researching said new market before you pitch. Again, get clear on the hows, whens and wherefores if you're intending to do this.
• Identify at least one new subject area you can write about
  It's good to specialise but not to stand still. What's related to your current subjects and could be a possible marketplace for you?
• Pimp Your Workstation
  If you work from home, you only have yourself to blame if the place you work from isn't how you'd like it to be. Take half an hour to lovelyfy it. Or at least dump the dusty junk - very satisfying.
• Make a plan for the downtimes
  Freelancing never goes in a straight line, so some weeks will be busier than others. This is normal and not because you are crap at what you do. Make a list in the back of your diary of at least 10 things you'd do, if you only had the time. So the next time there's tumbleweed blowing across your desk, you know where to go for inspiration.
• Get out more
  Take up at least one interest that's not work related. Give your mind the shock of the new. You'll be glad you did.

I'm not sure what my 2010 intentions are going to be. Over all, it's be Be Zen in 2010. But the only practical way I can think of to approach that is to expand out the gym challenge and ramp up the cultural element. Many, many people have asked if I will pass the gym challenge on to them, but I have beaten them off with a big stick and a snarl like Gollum's. So I'm toying with: Seeing 50 movies, reading 20 books and doing 150 gym sessions. That'll do for starters.

What are you intending to do in 2010? If it's Leave More Comments, you've come to the right place:

Why You Will Never Get Fit or Be Slim

(Gotta love that cheery headline)

So the latest on the gym challenge is: I managed 20 visits in November (I know!), bringing the total to 133 for the year. Also went today, so that leaves a mere 17 more visits if I'm to hit my target for the year of 151. Ha! Piece of piss. Unless I break a leg of course, in which case all bets are off.

So a few things have occurred to me about the business of getting fit. The first is that, unfortunately, some of us just don't see any physical difference unless we go to the gym 4 or 5 times a week. I suspect this might be the case for a lot of people, but really, who would ever sign up to one if you thought you were going to have to go that often? Three times a week sounds almost manageable, so that's what's promoted. It's a bit like the theory that we all should really be eating 10 portions of fruit and veg a day, but that's just beyond the beyond for most people, so 5 a day is the compromise that's promoted.

The other thing I've realised is that becoming fit and slim really are impossible goals. Think about it - what does "getting fit" mean to you? There will always be someone fitter than you, even if you're a professional athlete. There will always be someone thinner than you (unless you're a skeleton, and then you won't care).

And the trouble with impossible goals is that they are always destined to fail. If you can't define what something definitely is or isn't, how will you know when you've achieved it? If you never feel like you've succeeded at something, then all that's left is disappointment.

You've probably heard of business goals needing to be SMART, i.e.:

• Specific - what exactly does it involve?
• Measurable - How much? Give a definite number
• Attainable - Is this something that can be done?
• Realistic - Do you honestly believe that you can do this?
• Timely - When do you intend to do this by?

But you can apply this to any goal you like. Setting vague goals is something I look out for with my coaching clients, because it can also be a procrastination method. I ask them: How will you know when you've achieved that? What will be different in your life?

I used to think that my main aim in going to the gym was to become healthier. My basic bodyshape is Shetland pony in glasses, so there's no point in wishing I was a teeny waif. But how do you know what healthier means? Healthier than whom? I was literally on a treadmill, chasing the impossible.

So this is why I like having a definite number of gym visits per year to aim for - it's very clear cut, the epitome of the SMART goal. Either I go or I don't. Becoming fitter, healthier and less chunky is really just a by-product. Of course, it helps if you're a stubborn bugger too, but that's not something I have to try too hard to achieve.

The Fun Factor

I was at the gym yesterday (yes I am still going - this year's target is 151) and I noticed that number of people in the classes has thinned out considerably. So now I can do backward donkey kicks in BodyCombat without endangering anyone's unmentionables.

I'm guessing that this thinning out is because we are now into the New Year resolution slump. Now that it's March, we're so well embedded into this year, that we've forgotten there was ever a new beginning where anything felt possible. What did you start this year intending to do? And how has that worked out?

I did warn you that New Year Resolutions are infused with incredible guffociousness, and here's your proof. The problem with NYRs is that they tend to be so cardboard chewingly earnest. Self improvement doesn't have to mean forgetting to have some fun. In fact, I think one of the most self-improving things we could all do is ramp up the amount of fun in our lives.

When did you last have a good belly laugh?

If you can't remember, make that your mission for this week.

My Year of Gym-ing Dangerously

Round about now, it's traditional to look back on the resolutions you made at the start of the year and think "Ye Gods, what kind of over-optimistic idiot was I to think I could do THAT?"

As I mentioned in January, New Year resolutions are a load of old guff anyway. Intentions are what'll see you through.  I completely forgot that my intention was to Be Great in 2008, so probably didn't score too highly on that. I made some great cakes though. Next year is Be Kind in 2009, so that'll be easy enough (and will probably also involve cake).

My other major intention for this year was to go to the gym 3 times a week, or 150 times in the year.  I have been a member of my gym for a few years now, but had only ever gone once or twice or no times a week. 

I decided that since I was turning 40 at the end of the year (tomorrow as it happens), what I really wanted was to be fit 'n forty, rather than fat 'n forty.

So as the year drifted on, I gymmed like a crazy beast. Around September, I totted up the number of sessions I'd done, and things were not going to plan. I'd only done 4 gym sessions in August, so if I was to hit my target, I would really have to ramp up the visits.  So since September I have been going 4 times a week. But that's still not enough.

Have you ever wondered what kind of dick goes to the gym on Christmas Eve? Well, that will be dicks like me who said they were going to go 150 times, and are too stubborn not to. To hit my target, I have to go 19 times in December. Have done 5 so far. Wish me luck.

So has all this effort been worth it? Well, I am about 10lb lighter and considerably more muscly than I started. But since I am short, that just leaves me looking like a Sontaran in a wig, which - as any Doctor Who fan will tell you - is not a good look.

But over all, my year as a gymoholic has been a good one, because

• I have better concentration, especially since my mind wandered in a BodyCombat class and I punched myself in the face
• I have learnt that it is OK to feel smug if you can do more exercise than the person standing next to you. Especially if that person is younger, thinner and prettier than you.
• I can't listen to any music with a heavy beat without doing backwards lunges. Makes parties tricky but is a good conversation starter.
• I have observed that being a gym instructor is a funny old profession, where you can get away with using words like Awesome! Mental! and Kill Him! and no-one will call the police.
• Thanks to BodyCombat, I have highly developed skills in kicking imaginary adversaries. If anybody invisible tries to mug me, I can deck their lights out, no problem.
• Unfortunately, so can my children, since I made the mistake of showing them my Power Ranger moves.

So if you are thinking of joining a gym, the best advice I can give you is to try as many different classes as possible. Some of them are really quite stupid, and if you can have a laugh when you're exercising it'll keep you coming back for more.