Joanne the Coach

Spring Forward

Crikey, it's April already - how did that happen?  Got distracted by some Lidl ludicrousness, and the next thing you know the daffodils are up. 

So 2008 is already one quarter down.  How's it going for you so far?

Every month this year I have been writing down goals I'm aiming for in that month.  It's useful, but because everyone gets motivated differently, you have to play around with the wording to find the version that works for you.  For some reason, aiming to go to the gym 3 times a week just doesn't do it for me, but when I aim to go 12 times a month, somehow it happens.  Why is that?  The numbers and results are basically the same.

I am a great believer in the power of writing things down as a trigger to make them happen.  Just that little step of taking the idea out of your head and on to the page often seems to be enough to tip it into reality.

If you have been coached by me, you will be familiar with The Big Form I give you to fill in before the first coaching session.  I am thinking of renaming it The Magic Form, because it does seem to have powers beyond what's legally decent for a simple piece of paper. 

On the back page clients fill in the things they'd like to achieve in the next few months.  Over the next few months we tend to look back over the form to see how things are going.  Sometimes people will change their goals, and discover that the things they wanted aren't what they thought they were in the first place anyway.

But the amazing part of it is how often people do get exactly what they asked for.  So many times, the client and I have gone back over the form and been able to tick off that yes, they did get exactly what they wanted.

So if there's something you want to happen this year, write it down.  Don't write it down then lose it.  Write it and look back on it regularly:  check your progress, change what you need to.  These questions will help:

• What are you currently doing that you want to keep doing? (both in work and personal life)
• What are you currently doing that you don't want to continue with long term? 
• When will you stop this?
• What would an ideal working week/month look like to you? (Maybe make a diary of it)
• What are you not currently doing that you would like to?
• What needs to change to make that happen?
• What can you personally do to affect this? 
• When will you do that? (Recognising the bits you can't affect might help you avoid putting too much energy into them)

Coaching Reaches New Parts

News reaches MLC Towers that Phill Jupitus (of Never Mind The Buzzcocks) is to make his West End debut in a comedy called - joy of joys - "Lifecoach".

I predict

• a coach who sorts other people's lives out, but whose own life is a mess (with hilarious consequences)
• dubious use of the GROW model
• inappropriate dancing
• many (too many!) uses of the coach/travel/direction metaphor

Details, bookable tickets etc available here.  Opens on 20th May.  Can't wait (though in the absence of a Tardis, may have to).

Coaching Predictions for 2008

Here are my predictions for the coaching industry in 2008. These are based on the changes I experienced and observed whilst coaching in 2007.  Will check in on them again at the end of the year to see which, if any, have come true.

1. Coaching will become more mainstream and visible than ever in 2008.  Newspapers, magazines, TV, radio - all heaving with coaches.  People who don't like coaching forced to move to the moon.
2. We will see an increase in men hiring coaches, mainly because of the wisdom of the women in their life.  I used to focus 100% on coaching women, but last year recieved an increasing number of calls from men - usually because their wives/girlfriends/mother in laws had told them to.
3. Generalist life coaching virtually evaporates, with all established coaches working to a particular issue or niche of people (newbie coaches being the exception, as they will still be figuring out their niche).
4. As a side-effect to this, there will be more of that most cannibalisitc of niches - The Coach who only Coaches Fellow Coaches.  This will then spawn its own subgroup:  The Coaches' Coaches' Coach (A coach who only coaches people who coach other coaches), and The Coach For People Who Don't Like Coaching And Are Moving To The Moon. 
5. Coaching questions will be seen everywhere, including in parliament ('If the right honourable member knew what they wanted, what would that look like?') and the pub ("Cast yourself 20 years into the future - what will you be thinking about this pint you're having now?").

So basically, it's onwards and upwards for coaching in 2008.

And New for 2009 - Coaching Comes To The Moon.

Coaching Availability: All Aboard for January

People often assume that January is the busiest month of the year for life and career coaching, what with all that 'New Year, New You' stuff hanging in the air.  But I have always found September to be busier, as people get back to work after summer holidays and there's lots of 'You mean this is all I'm coming back to?' hanging around instead.

So yes, January is busy, but not as chocka as you might expect.  Most of my clients have fortnightly sessions, so whilst this week is very booked up, next week has spaces.

If you're thinking of arranging some coaching sessions, best place to start is the FAQ section of my website, which will tell you all about what's involved.  You could also try out the 'Do You Need A Life Coach?' quiz.  And then get in touch if you have any other questions or to book your first session.

Telling Us Things We Already Know

There was a very positive feature about coaching in The Times this week.  You can read it here.  Whilst it's great for the profession to enjoy such positive publicity, I was kind of surprised that coaching was being written about as if it was some amazing new thing, just arrived to save the planet.  It's been around for years, and has been written about many times before - check this out from The Guardian in 2001.

The article also included a version of the 'Clean Sweep' quiz, which is widely used by many coaches. In this case they've labelled it a method to assess your Work/Life Balance, though I do think that if you need to do a quiz about such things, then you probably already know that your WLB ain't so hot. 

But if you're into quizzes, give this one a go well.  It's a Test Your Procrastination Level quiz.  Again, it probably won't tell you anything you don't already know, but sometimes we do need a bit of a poke to point out the truth.

Finding a Life Coach: The Easy Route

When I started out in coaching, I genuinely did get phone calls from people who were looking for transport for a day trip to Margate.  Thankfully these days people know a lot more about where this type of coach can take you, but many of those who'd like to hire a life coach aren't sure how to find the right one.

The FAQ section of my website explains the whole coaching fandango in detail, but let's say you've got to the point of deciding you want to find a coach - where do you go from there?  Do you just get googling and hope for the best?

Part of the problem when looking for a coach is that it can be a struggle to get recommendations from people you know.  I am very grateful to the contributors to my testimonials page, but they are in the minority as far as clients go - many people use their coach as a kind of secret weapon, and one which they don't neccessarily boast about.

So where to start looking for the right, the best coach for you?

• Get clear about exactly why you want to hire a coach.  What are you hoping will happen?
• Whatever you do, there is probably a coach who specialises in working with people in your profession.  We call it niching in the trade.  I specialise in coaching people in media and creative professions, but there are probably coaches covering every job, from aromatherapy to zookeeping (though maybe no zookeeping aromatherapists.  Now that really is a niche).  So try searching under life coach plus your job.
• Alternatively, think about what you'd like to achieve through coaching, and search under that.  Coaches sometimes specialise in particular outcomes, like raising confidence or dealing with stress.
• Ask your friends for recommendations.  Just because they haven't told you that they've had coaching, it doesn't mean they haven't.  Like I said, people tend to keep it close to their chests.
• Look at a listing site:  this site contains an independent list of coaches; these coaches are accredited by the International Coach Federation; and these are coaches trained by the Coaching Academy.
• Pick two or three coaches and call them up.  A decent coach will not do any kind of hard sell on you, but will be interested in whether they can help you.  It's all about the coaching relationship and that's a very individual thing.  Hire the coach who feels right to you and they will take you in the direction you want to go.

Magic Tidying - Decluttering's Not Just For Spring

Have been in major decluttering mode lately (interspersed with a trip to Belfast where I injured my toe.  But rest assured, this is a toe-free blog.  I can't bear blogs about minor ailments.  BTW did I mention my toe still really hurts?)

In Ireland we talk about doing a Magic Tidy - i.e. a clear up where everything disappears.  Unfortunately you have to do more than wave a wand to make it happen.  The main side-effect of all this stuffjunking has been a correspondingly magical energy boost.  Our inner world mirrors our outer world, so when you improve your environment you will feel better internally too.

The article below is all about taking a holistic approach to decluttering.  It was originally written for Fitness First's magazine a few years ago.  And if you want to read more on the subject, I highly recommend Karen Kingston's Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui.  Don't be put off by the title if feng shui isn't for you - it's not all about waving a feather and going dingaling at the moon.  Most importantly, it explains the psychological reasons why we hang on to too much stuff.  I read it and immediately dumped about 5 binbags of stuff.  Unfortunately they managed to creep back in, hence the recent activity.

Here's the full article, hope it's useful to you:

THE LIFE COACH'S GUIDE TO SPRING CLEANING YOUR LIFE

Hands up those of you who resolved at the start of the year to become a serene, clutter-free oasis of calm.   And now you’re coming home to find that the clutter’s still so bad you want to turn round and go back out again?  Well, the good news is you’re not alone, and it’s not too late to do something about it.  Now's the time to blitz your surroundings and chuck out all the junk that’s been building up all year.

Maybe you’ve been on holiday and got a taste for the simpler life.  Or perhaps you’re about to jet off and want to create a clean and welcoming space to come back to.

And why stop at your surroundings?  If you dump the junk in every area of your life you’ll feel lighter, more energetic and raring to go, whatever the weather.

CLUTTER IS MORE THAN THE STUFF YOU STEP OVER

It’s also unfinished business, excess stuff hanging around draining your energy and not contributing to your general wellbeing.  A bit like excess body weight in fact.

As a life coach, I regularly find that overweight clients also have homes that are overweight with clutter.  The upside to this is that losing clutter is much easier than losing weight.  And the results can be seen and felt instantly.  After all, it may take several weeks to experience a noticeable weight loss, but you can lose an awful lot of clutter in as little as 10 minutes.  Clearing your clutter is a very big signal to yourself and the world that you’re starting afresh.  A streamlined home and lifestyle will help to clear the way for a streamlined body.

I once had a client who had recently been made redundant.  He was looking forward to starting a new business, but his home was stuffed to the gills with paperwork relating to his previous job.  Every day new magazines would arrive to add to the mess – they weren’t relevant to his life now, but he’d never gotten round to cancelling the subscriptions.  And his business plans were getting stuck too – there was no room for new work to come into his life until he’d cleared the clutter of the old stuff.  The clutter was literally keeping him stuck in the past.  As soon as he cleared it, business success flowed.

We all create a certain amount of mental and physical clutter on a daily basis, which leaves a residue in our homes in the same way as everyday living creates cleaning and tidying which needs to be done on a physical level.  In other words, it’s not just about you being a mess magnet - dealing with clutter is a normal part of life.  So how do we tackle the various types of clutter that can accumulate in our lives?

HOUSEHOLD CLUTTER

If you can’t open the door for piles of unread newspapers and your kitchen cupboards are dusty with food that was fresh when Pete Waterman was a lad, it’s definitely time for a clear out.  But where do you start?

As much as possible, everything in your home should pass the 100 watt lightbulb test.  That is, does it light up your life like a bright light?  Take a moment to look at the objects around you and register the feeling they ignite in your heart.  Do they lift you up or drag you down?  If they drag you down, what are they doing in your life?  Having a lot of stuff which reminds you of the past can keep your thoughts and energies in the past.  Surround yourself with things that are a reflection of who you are now and who you want to be in the future.

It’s also a good idea to:

• Start small.  Break down the task until it becomes more manageable.  If you have a large space to clear, set yourself the target of completely clearing just one small corner.  This small victory will encourage you to do more.   Even 5 minutes’ worth of clearing will make a big impact if done regularly.
• Start with the mess you can see.  Once this is sorted, then start dealing with the hidden mess in cupboards etc.
• Enlist the support of others.  Have a decluttering party.  Sometimes friends can be more objective about stuff to get rid of. Or hire a life coach who will be able to support you through this.
• Have a general rule that when you buy something new, something old has to go.  This will help the clutter stop reappearing.

WARDROBE CLUTTER

It’s also worth thinking about what sort of clutter you’re holding on to and why.  Do you have clothes that are too big for you?  Getting rid of them could be a very powerful statement that you’re not going to get that big again.  Experts estimate that we wear only 20% of our clothing 80% of the time, so we all have surplus.  To declutter your wardrobe:

• Divide your clothes into 3 piles: i.e. keep, give to charity, mend.  If you haven’t worn it in over a year, get rid of it.
• And if you haven’t dealt with the repair pile after two weeks, chuck them as well.  Seriously, when did you last darn a sock?
•   You’ll get a warm glow from all your new friends at the local charity shop when you donate your cast-offs.
• Get rid of anything that’s too big or too small for you.  Do you really plan to be that big again?  And if you dropped a dress size, wouldn’t you be buying some new stuff to celebrate?

MENTAL CLUTTER

Clearing clutter extends beyond streamlining your possessions.  Clutter goes deeper than your surroundings, and sometimes a mental clear out can have the biggest effect of all.  This can include:

• Letting go of people and relationships in your life who drain your energy.
• Saying no more often.  Say it till your tongue bleeds.
• Swapping the things you feel you “should” do for the things you want to do
• Do less passive stuff like watching TV and do more things you love.  Go outside and enjoy the sunshine as much as you can.

Ask yourself:

• What am I doing that I don’t want to?
• Which areas do I want to change?
• What will happen if I don’t change?
• What will it mean to my life to clear this clutter?

I guess in an ideal world we’d all have nothing in our houses that we don’t love or use regularly.  But life for most of us isn’t like that (at least nobody’s told my kids).  But if you follow some of these suggestions, you’ll be in the fast track to a more streamlined life.

So You Want To Train As A Life Coach?

One of the most common question I get asked is: How easy is it to set up in business as a coach?

I guess the subtext to this is 'Can I do a weekend course then make squoodles of cash from all the clients who will instantly be lining up at my door?' 

And you can't really blame people for thinking this, as this is how coaching is often promoted by those selling coach training programmes.  More than one training company presents coaching like some kind of new age Get Rich Quick scheme.  Be very wary of whatever claims your potential training school makes - remember that they are in the business of selling coaching training, rather than actual coaching.  Take all claims with a pinch, if not a mountain, of salt.

The real answer to this question is:  it depends.  Most of all it depends on where you are starting from.  The further you are now from some sort personal development/coaching job, the longer you will most likely have to travel to become established as a coach.  If you are already working in some kind of field related to coaching and already have a wide list of contacts of people who might become clients, then of course it will be easier for you.  If you are transitioning into coaching from an unrelated field (like I was when moving from TV producing) then it might take longer.  But either way, you're looking at months, if not years, to build up a successful coaching practice, so you will have to consider how you will manage this transition time.  I did the night shift at GMTV, then training and practise during the day.  Occasionally I also slept.  What a fun year that was.

Which training courses do you recommend?

None.  I wouldn't even recommend the one I did.  I trained with a company which turned out to be in the process of imploding, and the training beyond the initial weekend turned out to be very poor.  I had to do a number of other courses to fill in the gaps.

Be quite rigorous when you are researching training courses - it is a big investment of time and money.  There are some excellent US-based training courses, but not everyone wants to train primarily by phone or to travel overseas.  Other courses are a combination of residential, experiential and academic work.  Again think about how you learn best and see which course fits with this.  Talk to coaches about their experiences of training.

At the moment there is no one governing body and no set national standards in coaching, though there are moves to change this and national minimum standards will probably be introduced in the next few years.  But at the moment, absolutely anybody can call themselves a coach, even without specific training.  But please don't do that.  Your clients deserve better. 

One enormously useful resource for anyone interesting in coaching is the Eurocoachlist, which is primarily an email group of coaches, both new and experienced.  There's also a website which is increasing its resources, but the email list is the best place to join the coaching community.  It's free for the first 3 months, then there's a small fee to pay if you choose to stay.

Coaching is a fantastic job to do - you are helping people blossom, and what could be better than that?  Your fellow coaches will become the most terrific, supportive community to work with.  However it's not a job for everyone, as many people find the consistent marketing too much of a challenge.

For books to get you started I recommend:

Co-Active Coaching by Whitworth, Kimsey-House & Sandahl for how to coach

and

Getting Started in Personal and Executive Coaching by Stephen Fairley & Chris E Stout for running a coaching business.

Why Creative People Need to Bake More Cakes

When I'm coaching creative people they often complain that they're great at starting things but not at finishing them.  So they can come up with lots of ideas but not neccessarily see them through.  They get enthusiastic about their latest wheeze, but this quickly fades as they get bored and move on to the next thing. 

In a sense this goes with the territory and is part of the process of being an ideas person - when you're creative, you create.  In some professions it can also be an asset - freelance journalists need to be constantly coming up with new ideas to pitch to editors.  Performers need new material to talk about.  And some types of work is never really complete anyway (blogging? painting a really big bridge?).

Some people deal with this trait by setting external deadlines and deliberately involving other people.  I once had a client who wanted to write a novel but was struggling to get it done.  I encouraged her to make a lunch date with a friend for a month's time, and to tell her friend that she was going to bring the first 3 chapters of her novel to show her.  At this point she'd written about 3 paragraphs, so it was a lot to aim for.  But creating this artificial deadline gave her a focus to complete the 3 chapters, and she did it.  Telling her friend what she was going to do made it real enough for her to actually do it.

And to be honest, I'm also the sort of person who starts things but gets easily distracted.  If I wasn't a coach I could probably just shrug my shoulders and say 'Well, that's the sort of person I am'  But the trouble with being a personal development kinda person is that you don't just keep it for work.  It's with you all the time.

So I decided to challenge my perception of myself as a person who starts but struggles to finish things, and the method I chose was that well-known personal development tool...cake.

When you make a cake, you have to pay attention to detail.  If you're vague and slapdash it won't turn out right.  You can't just wander off half way through to check your emails or see what your friends are doing on Facebook.  You can't change course and decide that actually you'd rather make a curry instead.  You can't even switch between imperial and metric measurements.   You have to make a decision and see it through.  None of this comes naturally to me.  Though if it all goes wrong, you can still cover it in melted chocolate and somebody will like it, which is one big advantage over other personal development tools.

It's important to know yourself, challenge yourself, work with your strengths and improve the stuff that's not serving you well.  If you're a non-finishing starter, take one small area of your life and demonstrate that you can follow something through to the end.  You then open up the possibility that you can do it in other areas. 

Key to all of this is recognising that that we are all works in progress, and none of us is 100% doomed to behave in a particular way for ever more.  Challenge the assumptions you make about yourself.  You can move from being someone who never finshes things, to someone who can start something and see it through.  Start with a cake, and the rest will follow.

What Really Goes On In A Life Coaching Session?

In an average coaching session, the client will talk for about 80-90% of the time, and the coach makes up the rest, give or take some silent thinking time. Some clients say they feel guilty for talking about themselves for such an extended period of time, but that's the point - a coaching session is a time to focus on you.  But it's not something we normally do in day to day life, so it can feel a bit odd - kind of luxurious, sometimes uncomfortable but also quite mind-expanding and uplifting.

So as the coach, when it's my turn to speak I aim to make it useful and say what needs to be said - no idle musings or waffle.  Don't always manage it, sometimes make no sense at all.  If I think I can get away with it without sounding too naff, I might quote Gandhi, specifically when he said 'Be the change you want to see in the world'.  I LOVE the sentiments of that simple statement.  It's so true, yet so hard to put into practice.  It's all about personal politics and taking responsibility for your reality.  Whatever you are looking for from others, start by giving it out yourself.  If you want more love in your life, be loving, and so on.

There's a popular misconception that coaching is all about giving advice and telling people what they need to do to sort out their lives.  Certainly, sorting out of the client's life will get done, but that happens through the coach asking questions and helping the client to take an objective view of their life.  The theory behind this is again all about personal responsibility.  If I tell you how to sort your life out (assuming that I know - and why would I?  Surely you are the expert in your own life), then how does that equip you to be stronger in the future?  Improving your own life is far more likely to work when you do it yourself.  A coach can support you, but they can't do it for you.

The coach will also bring some tools & exercises to the party.  I have written exercises I use regularly with clients which will help with specific issues such as finding a new job or building confidence - stuff like the interview confidence exercise described earlier.

Working with a coach can be an absolutely transformational experience.  But it may be harder work than you thought.  Don't expect the coach to be some kind of new age Mary Poppins who will step in to sort your life out.  That's not how it works.  It's better than that.