Joanne the Coach

What Roald Dahl taught us about writing

On Saturday we had a fizwhizzing trip to the Roald Dahl museum in Buckinghamshire. They're got a new exhibit which recreates his writing hut. And here it is:

 

This is where Roald Dahl worked every day for decades with almost ritualised repetition and precision. From 10 am every day, after the school run, he would settle into his chair, feet in a sleeping bag. The original hut was in the garden of his house, but he kept the curtains closed so the beautiful view didn't intrude.

After lunch Dahl had two Bloody Marys and a gambling break, then powered on for another afternoon's writing. He had a bar of Dairy Milk chocolate every day, and formed the silver paper wrappers into an impressive silver ball. You can see it in the picture above, near the top right hand side of the table. Every object on that table has meaning. Each is an essential ingredient. It looks like a random collection of stuff, but really it's anything but.

 If Roald Dahl was writing today, I wonder what would be different?  Would he still be writing in pencil on giant yellow legal pads, or would he have graduated to a keyboard? I don't think this hut would be the same with wifi. I can't see Dahl losing half the day arguing with that guy about that thing on Twitter.

I took away two lessons from Roald Dahl's writing hut - the first is to get to know your writing rhythm and work with it, not against it. For some people that will mean settling down in your favourite chair with a blanket round your legs. For others it might mean early mornings or late nights. There's no right or wrong way. There's just your way. The main thing is to write, and keep writing, for years and years. It's another kind of marathon.

The other lesson I picked up was a sense of a life lived - Dahl had the most amazing life, with all kinds of crazy dramatic shit happening throughout. Death, sweets and hanging out with Ernest Hemingway was just the start of it. I guess imagination doesn't prosper in a still pond.

So that's it then - live and write. And find a comfy chair to sit in. Also being awesome helps.

What to wear to a blogger event

There is mucho flappage going on in blogland about what to wear to the upcoming blogger events including Cybher, this weekend's BlogCamp and BritMums Live.

Look, there's no need. Anything like this will be aceamundo:

• Bag on your head - For anonymous bloggers, though you might want to consider the health and safety aspects if it's only your children who are anonymous. They can have a plastic bucket to wear instead. Get a brand to sponsor it, it's a win-win solution.
• Nudist - For the daring amongst you. Some people need very little encouragement for this, and may be taking the pink Cybher theme a little too far. The main problem with this option is where do you put your dongle?
• Slogan T shirts -  You have many options here , but don't bother with the ones that say I'm Blogging This. Of course you're bloody blogging this, otherwise why else would you be there? There are a tidal wave of these type of tees, from My mom is blogging this for babies through to My wife is blogging this for VERY LUCKY MEN. Haven't yet seen My dog is blogging this, though I can think of at least one person who'd wear that.
• Special blogging pants - I think we'll all be wearing these. They're girls' pants, but with an "authentic fly". Me no understand. Must get out more. Or perhaps try a blogging thong, so every time you bend over you can do an impression of the Twitter fail whale.
• Slogan badges - For those who don't like T shirts. I applaud the Please Refer to My Blog badge for managing to be polite and really quite ill-mannered at the same time.

And don't forget your accessories. For the coffee break, there's this incredibly passive aggressive mug, or this one for the emotionally exhausted.

I'm going with my daughter to Cybher, in our alter egos as El and Jae from Eljae. So far the best we have come up with is a T shirt that says 'Follow' for me and 'No Follow' for her but that's kind of an obscure reference and carries with it the risk that Google might throw you out of the building. What to do?!

 

image credit: badges by Cathy S on Etsy

Tried and tested: How to really go to the gym 3 times a week

As 2011 was year four of my gym challenge (in which I aim to go to the gym 150 times a year AKA 3ish times a week), it marked my 600th gym trip.

But hey, who's counting? I certainly frickin' am.

So pulling together what I've learned, for anyone who's joining a gym and is aiming for the '3 times a week' schtick to stick, here's what I've learned:

1. Join the gym that's closest to you
   That's the one you'll go to. The slightly crappy gym you pass on the way home from work always trumps the one with better facilities that's a 10 minute drive in the opposite direction. The easier your gym is to get to, the more likely you are to go to it.
2. Spend the first month trying out all the classes
   Even the ones that sound a bit rubbish that you don't think you'll like or sound too hard. Do them all at least once. Do the ones you like twice. Don't worry about being the worst in the class - every class will have beginners in it, no matter what the time of year. And none of the regulars are judging you, unless you're wearing really bad harem pants, in which case you brought it on yourself.
3. Go 4 times a week
   Look, I didn't promise it was easy. There will be months when you'll be away, busy or simply can't be arsed. So to make your over all average 3 times a week, you need to aim for more than that as often as possible. From last year's stats, I had 4 months with less than 12 gym visits, 3 of 12 exactly (4 weeks, 3 times each) and 5 months where I went more than 12 times. It all evens out in the end.
4. Write it down
   Keep a diary where you note down all the exercise you're doing, and review it regularly.
   Otherwise I can guarantee you'll be kidding yourself about how much you do, and telling yourself you go around 3 times a week, when you only really went twice last month.
5. Accept that you will never get fit
   Fit isn't something you 'get' and then stop and feel pleased with yourself when you've got it. It's a journey, not a destination. A lifelong journey at that. If deep down you hate your gym time and can't face doing it for the rest of your life, find another fitness journey to travel on. If you're doing it right, it should be enjoyable, not a chore. Otherwise, what's the point?

image: ihasahotdog.com

 

Six free activities to do in the school holidays

 
As the holidays rumble on and your pile of parental moolah dwindles, here are six things you can do for free to keep the kidlings entertained:

1. Hunt the Gremlin
   Take your children out to the woods and tell them to find the gremlin. The winner is the one to either (a) find the gremlin or (b) find the most interesting thing which the gremlin must have left behind.
2. Hunt the Pixie
   See above, with pixies
3. Colouring in
   The web is awash with free colouring in pages to fit every interest, though you will get more results if you search using the American spelling 'coloring'. Son of Mine thought he would fox me with a request for a dancing banana, but he reckoned without my ninja Googling skills. WARNING This activity can be surprisingly vindictive. Go Ron:
    

    4.  Monkey Grip
Get your child to grasp you round the neck with their hands and round the belly with their legs. Support them as they do this, then splay your arms wide in a 'Ta Daaaa!' motion. This game lasts as long as your back can take it.

    5.    Library reading challenge
This year the theme in the Summer Reading Challenge is circuses, with an underlying theme that you can get children to do anything for the promise of a sticker.

    6.  Become a blogger or journalist and get invited to stuff
If you're well-connected enough you could be busy every week. Thank you Thorntons for the ice skating and humungous amounts of chocolate. Also Son of Mine is claiming that he has won Hunt the Pixie:

Zeppelin-shaped inspiration

As we have seen and heard, inspiration can come from the strangest of places. So last night I was reading Hammer of the Gods: Led Zeppelin Unauthorised (don't ask) and came across this thought-provoking quote from Robert Plant. He's talking about music, but you could easily insert writing, art. film making or any other creative activity designed to leave you financially bankrupt but spiritually full. Plant says:

"You can't give up something you really believe in for financial reasons. If you die by the roadside then you die by the roadside - so be it. But at least you know you've tried. Ten minutes in the music scene was the equal of one hundred years outside of it"

OK so it's a tad cheesy, but without the cheese all you've got is crackers, which is dull.

Air guitars aloft lads!

 

You'll never guess what today is (warning: post contains Stupendous Thighs)

Apparently today, ie the last Thursday in February, is the day on which the great British public feels most motivated to exercise. However, the study from PayasUgym that gleaned this factoid gives no convincing reasons as to why that would be the case. This suggests that those surveyed answered "Yeah, well, whatever" in an attempt to get the surveyor off their back. Apparently "over a quarter of Brits cited cold weather and lack of daylight as the main factors preventing them from exercising" AKA they can't be arsed.

But in case it's true that today really is the motivational high peak of the year, I am off to BodyPump, which involves an hour of weightlifting set to music. Motivationally speaking, it's all downhill from here.

So this is the terrifying BodyPump. You too could have thighs like this:

 Is that motivating enough for you?

Filth, music and art - inspirational reading for weirdos

A million years ago, when I started in coaching, I tried to read as much mind/body/spirit-type inspirational guff as I could. Every week I would go back and forth to North Library off the Holloway Road and plough my way through Self Esteem for Beginners, Confidence for Idiots, Motivational Shit for Horrible People etc.

Whilst there are some gems amongst the reams of books like that (particularly anything by Wayne Dyer or Susan Jeffers), eventually they do pretty much start to cover the same old ground.

So lately I have been finding inspiration in other places. Here are three non fiction books I've enjoyed recently. They were all gifts from my family, who, as it turns out, know me better than I thought they did.

Just Kids by Patti Smith is the story of the author's growth as an artist and performer, and her relationship with fellow artist Robert Mapplethorpe. I can't recommend this enough, it's a beautifully written, captivating portrait of the emergence of two dynamic, inspiring souls.

Life lessons to learn from Just Kids: Follow your bliss and get a cool haircut. If Bruce Springsten offers to write a song with you, snap his hand off.

 

 

 

Hooleygan: Music, Mayhem and Good Vibrations by Terri Hooley and Richard Sullivan is the story of Ireland's Godfather of Punk, and the founder of legendary record label, Good Vibrations. If you know anything about Northern Irish music, you will have come across Terri Hooley. I used to go into his record shop, Good Vibrations, to sniff the vinyl. And Norn Irn being the small world that it is, I also used to babysit his daughter from time to time (not in the shop). It's quite a funny read, as you would expect when a major part of the cast are drunken lunatics. And yet somehow the music kept coming. It's the Belfast bomb nobody warned the rest of the world about.

Life lessons to learn from Hooleygan: John Peel was right all along. Don't worry if all your shit gets burned by yobbos, at least there'll always be Teenage Kicks

 

Role Models by John Waters - How fantastic would it be if the legendarily scurrilous film maker John Waters  was to write a motivational tract? I don't think he's in a hurry to, so this is the closest we'll get. Role Models is a collection of essays about people Waters admires, ranging from Johnny Mathis to the scariest barflys you ever did encounter. It's random, upbeat in the face of perversity, and engaging in its charm. You don't have to be slightly deranged to like this, but it helps.

Life lessons to learn from Role Models: Again, follow your bliss is a major theme here, along with the importance of personal grooming. It's OK to be filthy, as long as you do it with verve and style. Dullness, and not making an effort, are the worst crimes of all.

Great reads, and I recommend them wholeheartedly, Dale Cooper Thumbs Up all round. Now, what to read next? Thinking about ploughing through this list of 50 Essential Non-Fiction Books for Weirdos, whaddya reckon?

Freelancers' challenge 2011

Did you think I'd forgotten?

Of course not, I was just letting all the dull people make and break their blah blah New Year Resolutions, whilst the rest of us cool people gather ourselves to take a big bite out of 2011.

From talking to people who took on last year's challenge, the interesting thing is that in the main, STUFF HAPPENED. It wasn't always the stuff they wanted, or thought they wanted at the start of the year. But the more action you take, the more likely you are to get in motion.

And also for me, looking back at 2010, the most interesting adventures were the ones I never saw coming. So if you want to reinvigorate your freelance career, take the challenge.

So, brave Freelancer, what are you aiming for this year? My main focus will be on having an open mind (to people, work, technology - basically all the stuff I'm scared of), and also on being kind. The state of the planet alarms me. I would like it to be a kinder place, so I am going to start by being kinder myself. So, sorry I said you were boring if you've set New Year Resolutions. Sheesh, this being kind lark is harder than I thought.

So what's your focus for this year? Last year I know many people took on the challenge to pitch to 20 new outlets across the course of the year. Other actions I think we could all take on board would be:

• Clean your desk
  If you're planning to bring a new attitude to work this year, show you mean business
• Prioritise your health
  Cos when you're the boss of you, health is key. What will you do this year to look after your own health better? When will you start?
• Learn a new skill
  Twitter, blogging, social media hoo ha, websites - It's not hard, this stuff, and some of it's even fun. What's the thing that deep down you know you really ought to know about, but don't?
• Identify your procrastination triggers
  I'm not saying get rid of them. But we freelancers looooove to procrastinate, don't we? And the first step in changing behaviour is to find out what it looks like. I have a feeling we will be revisiting this subject throughout the course of the year.
• Make a 'one day' list and plan to do at least one thing on it this year
   You know the sort of stuff, the things you'd like to do "One day..." Well, one day you'll be dead, so what exactly are you hanging around for?

So are you up for the challenge? What's your big focus for 2011?

 

pic: Valeriana Solaris

 

The Invisible Book and Why Time to Write is a Necessity, Not a Luxury

When I'm working with new coaching clients, we start by looking at the kinds of things that they're not doing, but would like to be doing. And this is when The Invisible Book often appears.

The Invisible Book is the book you haven't written yet - you know it exists, but no one else can see it yet. Yet still, you know what it's about, how the cover will look and how terrible the reviews will be. 

Time to write (the lack, thereof) is usually cited as the reason why this book stays invisible and only exists in your head. We all have busy lives, with work, family and dull chores claiming our time. Writing time seems like too much of a luxury and slides down the list of priorities.

On a practical basis, this is easy to address: get up a bit earlier, arrange childcare, turn your back on the sink full of dishes and you'll have carved out an hour to write. 

But the mental blocks are often still there, in that most people in possession of The Invisible Book just can't justify taking the time out of their lives to write. Since it's such a luxury, it's hard to convince ourselves that we deserve it.

But let me tell me tell you one very important fact about this book: it may be invisible, but that doesn't mean it's going to disappear.

So if you are one of those people who knows you have a book within you, you might as well get on and write the bugger. It's not going to go away, it's just going to piss you off more. The voices of the people you're going to write about won't go away, they'll just get louder and start waking you up at night.

And don't think that the time you spend in doing so is somehow wasted. Think of how much it pains you not to find time to write now. Once you stop resisting the urge to write, it's like setting off a rocket under the very arse of your life, and everything is boosted.

Writing is an unstoppable urge - just look at all the blogs out there. Nobody is forcing or paying those people to write, and yet they do it anyway. Having a book within you is a lot like having a child within you - they both need to be born at some point. Only with the book you get to control the labour pains. So why make it tough on yourself?

If you take the time to write, the ripples will spread out like warm water. It might not earn you money or clean your sink, but it will leave you feeling calmer, more fulfilled and happier. Doesn't that make it worth it?

New Year Resolutions for Freelancers

So 2010 is off the starting blocks, and next week we will be welcoming Blue Monday. More than just a New Order song or the day to dig out your favourite pornos, it's the Most Miserable Day of the Year - Official!

But the good thing is that once you've got Day of Doom out of the way, it's all uphill from there.

So how can a good freelancer make the most of the coming year? Whilst I'm not keen on resolutions ('cos they have a habit of not happening), intentions are a whole other box of frogs. Saying you intend to do something immediately makes it more focused and likely to happen.

Here are some possible New Year Intentions the freelancers amongst you might want to try on for size:

• More pitching
  Be specific about this if you're really intending to do it - how much more? When will you do it?
• Pitch to at least one new market/publication every month
  This will need to be preceeded by identifying and researching said new market before you pitch. Again, get clear on the hows, whens and wherefores if you're intending to do this.
• Identify at least one new subject area you can write about
  It's good to specialise but not to stand still. What's related to your current subjects and could be a possible marketplace for you?
• Pimp Your Workstation
  If you work from home, you only have yourself to blame if the place you work from isn't how you'd like it to be. Take half an hour to lovelyfy it. Or at least dump the dusty junk - very satisfying.
• Make a plan for the downtimes
  Freelancing never goes in a straight line, so some weeks will be busier than others. This is normal and not because you are crap at what you do. Make a list in the back of your diary of at least 10 things you'd do, if you only had the time. So the next time there's tumbleweed blowing across your desk, you know where to go for inspiration.
• Get out more
  Take up at least one interest that's not work related. Give your mind the shock of the new. You'll be glad you did.

I'm not sure what my 2010 intentions are going to be. Over all, it's be Be Zen in 2010. But the only practical way I can think of to approach that is to expand out the gym challenge and ramp up the cultural element. Many, many people have asked if I will pass the gym challenge on to them, but I have beaten them off with a big stick and a snarl like Gollum's. So I'm toying with: Seeing 50 movies, reading 20 books and doing 150 gym sessions. That'll do for starters.

What are you intending to do in 2010? If it's Leave More Comments, you've come to the right place: