Joanne the Coach

Daily Mail Stolen LapTop - Freelancers Beware

News reaches my big flappy ears that many UK freelance journalists have had a letter today, confirming that the latest institution to have lost a laptop containing confidential information is...the Daily Mail. 

Apparently names, addresses, account numbers and sort codes have been sucked up into laptop Valhalla.  Though the letter was sent on the 2nd, so maybe they're not that worried.

So if you're a freelancer who's worked for the Mail, check out your bank account to make sure no-one's been truffling around in it.

Here is the News

And the news is, there is no news. 

Don't believe me?  Check this out.

And if that's not proof enough, take a look at this:

Top Ten Bad Ads: Me Against the Fish Hooks

The Advertising Standards Authority has announced its 10 most complained about adverts of the year.

I am not by nature a complainer - the coaching way is a practical one, so we aim to look for solutions rather than whinge about stuff.

But then my child started having nightmares about people with fish hooks in their mouths.

This notorious anti-smoking ad was everywhere in 2007.  We saw it on billboards on the school run.  Go out for a day trip and there it was on the back of the loo door at motorway services.  Turn on the telly on Saturday afternoon and there it was again, popping up in the breaks between an old movie.  You couldn't have avoided it if you'd tried (and we really did try).  And over a year later, I still have to check there are no nasty fish hook faces lurking in public loos before my children will go in.

So for the first time in my life I made an official complaint to the ASA.  So did 773 others.

Would you believe that this was a Department of Health campaign, funded by public money?  Well thanks a lot chaps.  If I want to scare my children I am quite capable of putting on a scary face and doing so myself. No fish hooks required.

But if it stops people smoking, is it worth it?  Does the end always justify the means?

Remind Me Again, Just What Is News These Days?

Thanks to Jeremy Paxman for this hilarious Behind the Scenes at Newsnight film which confirms, as I had long suspected, that "News is what makes you go 'Oooh' ".

The Masterchef of Porky Pies

Did you hear about that chef who lost his TV job because of lies on his CV?  I feel a bit sorry for him.  Lying on your CV is a well-established tradition, as is lying about the job you're offering in the first place.  It's a dance that many employers and employees do, to the point where neither one believes the other. 

But we are now living in a world where you can't keep anything secret any more, and Google and Facebook act as part of your CV, whether you want them to or not. 

So whatever you do, don't post a comment online admitting that you lie on your CV.

I once bumped into a bloke at a party. I'd known him when he was on work experience at the TV show I worked at a few years previously.  A mutual friend wondered how long Bloke had been on the show.  We both answered at once:

"Six months" said bloke.

"A fortnight" said I.

We looked at each other, surprised, and we knew who was telling the truth.  He disappeared back into the party, and his successful TV career, pretty soon after.  I honestly hadn't meant to out him, but lies, without exception, will always come back to bite you in the bum in one way or another.

(And for help on putting together a lie-free media cv, click here)

Journalism in Ancient Times

When I did my journalism training, one of the most exciting tasks we were given was covering a simulated plane crash.  This was a training exercise at Cardiff airport so that all the emergency services could practice co-ordinating in the event of a real plane crash or some random alien invasion. And we could practice reporting it.

To help us cover the story, we were issued with mobile phones and, bizarrely, a double decker bus.  This being away in the ancient swirling mists of time (1994), the mobile phones came with a battery pack in a shoulder bag, to be shared between about a dozen of us.  We sat on the top deck, swigging cider and taking turns at phoning our loved ones ("Helllooooo....you won't believe this, but I'm actually calling you from a BUS!").

The plane crash itself was surprisingly scary, as there really was a fuselage on fire on the runway, and assorted St Johns' Ambulance volunteers looking green.  At one point we hitched a lift with a policeman to a press conference.  There was a brown envelope on the car's back seat, which we immediately pinched.  We had no qualms about doing this - as students at one of the finest journalism schools in the country, we naturally assumed that nicking stuff was an essential part of getting the story. 

We hid behind an airport outbuilding to rip open the envelope and find out what the scoop really was.  Secret operations plans?  Police theories as to the reason for the fire?  Well no, actually.  It was the police tea break rota.  But you know..we nearly had a story...

You will be glad to know that the Cardiff Journalism School class of 1994/95 are mostly doing senior things in media and are much more honest these days.  Honestly.

I was thinking about story-gathering ethics after watching the video of Amy Winehouse wobbling round her flat in search of kittens and crack. The Sun's story says nothing about how this footage was obtained, but it looks like a classic case of secret filming to me.  Never trust anyone in a denim jacket, unless they are on their way to a 1980's theme party.

I was once offered £1000 to secretly record someone, by a freelancer working for a tabloid (not saying which one, but it rhymes with Gnus of the Swirled).  This was in 1995, so I guess the going rate for this kind of thing will have increased by now. (I said no by the way).

Does the end always justify the means when it comes to getting the story?  Now that Amy's in rehab, could this secret filming be said to have saved her life?  Or is it just somebody making a few quid off the back of a troubled individual?   

The Joys of Media Interviews

I like to think that everyone nitcombs their hair before appearing on television, but on reflection perhaps I'm in a minority of one in that respect.  Parenting is full of unexpected bonuses.

Anyway, last night I was hoping that exceptionally clean hair would somehow give me superpowers when appearing on the Press TV international newspaper review show, Between The Headlines.

As usual, I had told the producers what my specialist areas of interest are (media/parenting/careers, if you're asking).  As is not usual, the producers had somehow accessed my un-list of topics I know diddly squat about, and had chosen these as the stories under discussion.  A discussion which was to be broadcast live to 57 countries and an audience of around 2 million.  Ho hum.  Not much pressure there then.

This un-list was sent to me at 2.40pm.  I had to leave at 3pm for the school run.  Have you ever tried to learn the whole of world politics in 20 minutes?  Hairy indeed.  Had a good old whinge about this to my neighbour, who concluded "You'll just have to give them a Joanne Opinion."  Well fair enough, I have plenty of those.

Luckily also appearing on the programme was David Smith of The Observer, who as it turns out did know plenty of actual facts about real stuff.  Have a look here and you can see how we got on.

And it could have been worse.  At least I had 20 minutes to prepare, which is more than freelance journalist Dave Lee got.

Then this morning I appeared on Colourful Radio talking about parenting.  This being one of my specialist topics, I rattled on for ages and practically had to be crowbarred off air.

Have you noticed we're only a few days into January and Prediction One is already coming true?

The Ghost of Christmas Future

We all have lightbulb moments in our lives, little pings of clarity when we know what needs to happen next.  One of my clearest came almost 7 years ago today.

I was volunteering at the Crisis Open Christmas shelter for the homeless.  I had been producing a television programme about homelessness and felt like doing a bit more.  During the day, a crew from the regional TV news programme London Tonight arrived to film a story about the project.  The reporter's nose visibly wrinkled when she entered the shelter.  She flinched when anyone came too close and when offered a coffee, insisted on sending an assistant out to Starbucks instead.  The simple act of refusing a hot drink said too much about the Masters of the Universe attitude shared by the worst of TV people.  This lightbulb showed me that I couldn't be around that attitude any more, and a few months later I started training to become a coach.

Fast forward seven years, and the local newspaper billboard is screaming about the  "TV Boss in Riches to Rags Fall".  The story of Ed Mitchell, the former TV reporter now living rough on the streets of Hove, has since been covered widely in the national media.

When I saw the headline, I immediately wondered who the TV person being referred to was.  And the sad fact is that I could easily think of several people that it might be.  TV is a notoriously precarious profession, with little patience for those over 30.  And when you add drink and debt into the mix, it's no wonder people fall.  TV types with a superior attitude would do well to take heed of Ed Mitchell's story.  Who knows where any of us might end up, depending on the path we take.

Workers Just Want To Have Fun

Thanks to BBC Radio Solent for inviting me on to their Saturday morning show to talk about fun in the workplace.  (Though it did provoke some fury in The Offspring, who don't like to be disturbed from their regular Saturday morning date with Toonattik - "Muuuuuum, what are you doing uuuuuup!   Go back to bed!")

Anyway, Solent's attention had been drawn to this report in The Sunday Times.  Apparently the workplace is a fun place to be these days, with companies investing in ever more exotic ways to keep their staff smiling.  A happy workforce is a more productive workforce, the theory goes.  Also it's far more expensive to recruit new staff than it is to keep the workers you've already got, so anything that aids the staff-retention mission makes economic sense. 

Obviously this won't work with every workplace - you wouldn't want to turn up to your local funeral parlour to find the staff doing a conga or playing table football.  And if you've seen The Office, you'll know the inevitable conclusion of a boss imposing their definition of fun on a workforce.

As for the reported army of "fun-sultants" who are apparently beaming in to help with this corporte sanctioned merriment - ye gods!  If you ever turn up to work and your boss says that the fun-sultants are coming in today, just turn on your heel and walk away fast.  Or maybe that's just me.

When I am working with a client who wants to find a new job, one of the first things we do is to look at what their ideal job might consist of.  And the interesting thing is that fun doesn't always figure terribly highly in the list.  Far more highly prized are

• Flexibility - this is the biggie, particularly for working parents.  People resent the culture of presenteeism and want some choice over when, where and how they work.
• Fulfillment - people want to feel like their work makes a positive difference to the world and preferably enhances it in some way
• Creativity - people like to be challenged to create something new.  Stimulates the grey cells, keeps you alive.
• A sense of autonomy and choice - people want a sense that they have some control over what they do.

Basically, nobody wants to feel like a hamster in a wheel, taking pointless action which ultimately leads nowhere.  It's good if your culture at work has space for fun, but that won't neccessarily be enough to make a workforce feel valued enough to want to stay.  Buying a round of lollipops is not enough.

Working Mums - By Your Chubby Kids We Shall Know Thee

More parenting bollox in the news to try and trip up those of us doing the working mother mambo.

As reported by BBC News, a study from the Institute of Child Health claims that children of working mothers are more likely to be obese.  So add that to your list of stuff to feel guilty about - then burn it.

The study's researchers are reported as saying: "Long hours of maternal employment, rather than lack of money, may impede young children's access to healthy foods and physical activity.  For example, parental time constraints could increase a child's consumption of snack foods and/or increase television use."

Note the use of vague, wobbly language in that quote - mothers working long hours "may" stop their children having healthy food and "could" lead to increased snacking & TV watching.  Not that they definitely do, just that they might have an effect.  Just as paternal working hours, location, other priorities and the man in the moon may also have an effect. 

This study appears to take a very all or nothing approach, contrasting the full time working mum (she bad, she eat chips and watch TV) with the stay at home mum (she good, she make nice food).  But what about the increasing numbers of women who adopt a mix and match variation of this - the part-timers, the flexible-shifters, the self-employed?  The trouble with these sorts of surveys is that they tar all working women with the same brush, even when you've done your best to find a working pattern that also gives you time with your kids.

The Kellogg's Family Health Study (of which I'm a panel member) showed that parents are their children's greatest role models.  So if you have a generally healthy and positive attitude to food and exercise, then your kids are likely to adopt this also.

There probably are some good lessons to be learned from this study - it's quite an indictment of the UK's culture of presenteeism and long working hours.  I hope it doesn't become another stick to beat working mothers with, though I suspect it will.  The Daily Mail are probably raising their cudgels with glee already.