Joanne Mallon's Opposable Thumbs

Do overprotective parents put their children at risk of being bullied?

New research into children's behaviour has found that being an overprotective parent can in fact raise your child's chances of being bullied.

So parents whose aim is to protect their children are in fact doing the exact opposite by turning them into a softer target.

You can read about the research here on Science Daily.

Normally I don't pay much attention to parenting surveys - whatever they say, chances are another one will come along in a few weeks saying the exact opposite. Or the research can be dubious at heart and only serve to support whoever paid for the survey in the first place. You know the sort of thing - a survey finds that families love monkeys in hats and it will turn out to have been paid for by a monkey milliner and compiled by asking 3 people in their office.

But this research is a bit different - first of all it's very wideranging, taking in over 70 previous studies which have analysed the behaviour of over 200,000 children. Secondly, it's been produced by the University of Warwick rather than a company with a commercial agenda.

Professor Dieter Wolke, one of the study's authors, has said "Children need support but some parents try to buffer their children from all negative experiences.

"In the process, they prevent their children from learning ways of dealing with bullies and make them more vulnerable.

"It could be that children with overprotective parents may not develop qualities such as autonomy and assertion and therefore may be easy targets for bullies."

In my heart I think I would like to be an overprotective parent. I would love to roll my children up in cotton wool and keep them within my sight at all times. Deep down I would like their lives to be all puppies and kittens and marshmallows and happiness, with nothing to make them cry or hurt them in any way.

But really, I know that's not good for them. I have to let them fall over, make mistakes, do things that are a little bit dangerous, things that I wouldn't have chosen for them. I don't want them to grow up as people who are afraid to stretch their boundaries or are afraid to be brave. I don't want them only to know life inside the cotton wool. Sometimes when challenging things happen I say to them Everybody has tough times in their lives and this is one of yours. Shit happens, but we deal with it and move on.

So whilst our instinct as a parent may be to protect our children, perhaps the most protective thing we can do in the long run is to let them stand on their own two feet and deal with whatever life has to offer.

 

What do you think?

 

 

image credit: pasukaru76

What's the purpose of toddlers?

Unruly toddlers, toddlers with iPads - it really is a bumper news week for the toddler watchers amongst us.

(Latecomers may now swivel their eyes to the left and note that I wrote a book called Toddlers: An Instruction Manual, so I have form for this).

Education minister Liz Truss has criticised the lack of structure of UK nurseries, calling them "chaotic". In particular she talks about children running around "with no sense of purpose".

Au contraire, Ms Truss - having studied them at length, I can tell you that the main defining characteristic of your average toddler is that they are very, very purposeful indeed.

They live in the moment, know what they want and they want it right now.  It's just that their idea of purpose is often not the same as what an adult's might be. But that's OK, because they're not adults.

Truss claims that young children aren't taught manners in nursery, but I wonder what evidence she's basing this on? Who says nurseries aren't hot on manners? My children even learned to say please in sign language in nursery. Social skills including taking turns and interacting with others are exactly what many parents send their children to nursery school for, as well as creative play and - yes - the chance to rush around a bit.

In my book I talk about the fact that the presence of boundaries can help children feel secure. A good nursery can help with this. It's not about drilling children like little soldiers and dampening any sparks of creativity, but rather helping them behave as social beings who are aware of the world and people around them.

Life as the parent of a toddler is hard enough. Many parents have no choice but to use nurseries. And now once again a government minister is choosing to tell us that whatever we're doing, we're doing it wrong.

And life as the carer of toddlers must be pretty challenging too. We all know that nursery workers do a tough, badly paid job. How depressing for them be be told that they're doing it all wrong too. 

So if the Minister for Education and Childcare doesn't seem to be on the side of the children, their parents or childcare workers, you've got to wonder exactly whose side is she on at all?

image credit: linh.ngan

Please nominate me...

I think I would make a really good Pope.

• I went to Catholic school
• I did Latin O Level
• I look good in white and red and not just when I'm campaigning for The White Stripes to reform
• I know all the words for the songs from The Sound of Music
• I quite like the smell of incense
• I could happily sit on a golden throne all day
• I can supply my own Papal wine
• I like jobs that involve tweeting
• I am already a Reverend. I have an ordination certificate I sent off for from the back of the National Enquirer.
• I might not be youthful but I've got decades on the current guy
• I can say things that sound wise from a distance but on closer inspection turn out to be a load of guff

But don't despair if you would also like to be the next Pope but are not as well qualified as I am. As the writer Robert Anton Wilson said, You're all Popes!

 

Happy Doctor Who Christmas

So Christmas preparation is underway. We're not bothering with Elf on a Shelf, Yoda in a Pagoda is more our style. After a lot of hunting we dug out our favourite fairy for the top of the tree.

The down side is that we now can't blink for 10 days.

 

Anyway, Christmas Doctor Who is on at 5:15pm - WTF is that all about? Talk about peaking early. 

One of these athletes is a dawg: Scooby Spooky Games DVD review

I am really looking forward to the Paralympics. It's incredibly inspiring to see what these athletes can achieve - this feature about the Paralympics from the BBC website is a fascinating insight into the background to the event.

And recently I encountered another group of highly challenged athletes, but I don't think inspiring is quite the right word to use. But still, some of these guys weren't even human.

Yes, with gold medal winning timing, it's Scooby Spooky Games which was recently sent to us by Warner Bros for review.

Most of the cartoons in this 113 minute compilation are vintage episodes from Scooby's All Star Laff a Lympics, a series which ran on TV from 1977 - 78.  This is one of those DVDs to watch with your kids, if nothing else so that you can explain who's who.

Kids these days have no idea who Captain Caveman or Dick Dastadly and Muttley are, though many will know Fred Flintstone and Yogi Bear. My favourite was the episode where they went to Ireland and met a magical leprechaun. Cos, like, we have those in Ireland. Masses of them.You just have to be cool enough to see them.

The compilation also includes a 23 minute modern Scooby Doo cartoon featuring Shaggy's little known history as an Olympic - oops, sorry, World Games - runner. Turns out all that running away from ghosts was good training.

All in all this is a nice little bargain cartoon compilation, just right for our sporting times. It's a certificate PG, though could easily have been a U, I didn't spot anything that would trouble sensitive souls. Leprechaun deniers may disagree.

 Scooby Spooky Games is out now on DVD, priced around £4.99.

What did social media do for the Olympics?

So are you suffering gold medal sized withdrawal symtoms?  I started off feeling a bit cynical about the Olympics, not terribly interested in sport and a bit teeth-sucky about the amount of money being spent on it.

But by the end of the fantastic opening ceremony I was hooked, and by its close I was sad to see it go.

As a social media geek, it's been fascinating to see the first Olympic games to take place when social media is so embedded in our lives.

Over 150 million Tweets were sent about the Olympics. Wow. That's a big conversation. No wonder we'll miss it.

So what difference did it make?

My kids pointedly ignoring the empty seats at Wembley during the Olympics

Take the conversation about empty seats issue. Now, this was a repeated issue at previous Olympiads. But before, I guess we would have noticed those empty seats on TV and maybe tutted about it to the people in the room, but that's about as far as it goes.

Not so for London 2012. People noticed, then they tweeted and Facebooked, wrote blog posts and all the rest.

So then the issue gathered more steam, became a news story and action was taken. I didn't notice many empty seats by week 2.

So social media helped fill the empty seats.

In such a world of ongoing, endless public conversation, it's a wonder that details of the opening ceremony didn't escape - but then even this has a toehold in social media, as the hashtag #savethesurprise was used to urge people to keep schtum.

The great appeal of social media is that it takes you from being an outside spectator to being, in some small way, a participant. You're part of the energy, and as such, part of the Games.

So did social media contribute to the success of the London 2012 Olympics? I think perhaps it did. Kind of makes you wonder what it's going to do next. Good things, I hope.

 

The #tippingpoint - A day of protest for Syria

 

What can you say about Syria?

What can you say about the sadistic massacre of tiny children?

I want to tell you about some ways you can add your voice:

 

Firstly, write a blog post expressing your views and join virtual arms by adding it to the day of protest link up here. I know it's hard to find the words but your words have power so use it.

 

Secondly, sign the Save the Children petition over here. Here's some more information about what they're doing to help the children of Syria:

 

 

 

Thirdly, Share news of the protest event happening in London outside the Syrian embassy next week - details from the organiser are here. Can you make it to the protest? Can you tell people about it, via Facebook, Twitter or your blog?

After that, go and hug your babies and hope that evil like this never looks on them, and if it did, somebody would speak up for them and be the voice that was cruelly ripped away.

 

 

 

Live blog: At home with the kids during the teachers' strike

It's 30th November. Today I was invited to a press event in a wine emporium, and the launch of Mario Kart 7. But I am going to neither, as the teachers are on strike and both children are at home.  Thanks a lot Teach. Next time you fancy quaffing booze and racing dinosaurs, I'll be straight round to bugger up your plans as well.

This is the live blog of our day, to be updated as the day progresses:

6:45am - Normally this is when I get up to haul the Daughter off to Hogwarts, so I was looking forward to a day off from that. However, Himself started snoring at 6:45 instead, so that put paid to that. The day has not started well.

8:30am - Coffee

9:16am - Daughter has yet to get out of bed, so I go in for a chat. She has important information to impart:

    Did you know that eagles like to fart?

Jesus, what are they teaching these kids?

    Where did you get your information?

    From my head.

OK then. That explains a lot.

10am - More coffee. Conversation continues at a similarly erudite level:

    Mum, can you fart the tune of Jingle Bells?

Why would I do that?

    Because it would be very cool

Clearly the definition of what is cool has changed in recent times

10:10am - Mum, have you tried to fart the tune of Jingle Bells? You look like you might be

10:11am - I inform everyone within earshot that breaking wind is off the menu as a topic of conversation for today. Dennis the Cat looks unimpressed.

12 noon - With children going increasingly feral and a gale blowing outside, we repair to the Wii for a spot of Zumba. Get briefly distracted by the promise of Cumbria-style exercise. What could that possibly be? Lake District aerobics? Hearty walking on the spot?

Turns out to be Cumbia, a style of music poular in Latin America. So that's geography, PE and music covered all in one.

12:10 - Turns out we're incorporating ICT as well, as the children secretly film me doing Zumba, via the iPad. I burn the evidence and PE class resumes as they flee to their bedrooms at top speed whilst I channel my inner Debating Society by shouting at them.

2pm - Not getting much work done today. This freelance journalism lark is on the wane anyway. Thinking about getting into advertising copywriting. Here's my first attempt, for Bigwoods store:

 

3.30pm - Politics class. I ask the children what they think of the teachers' strike:

    We love it! They should have one every day!

Happy CyberHalloween

Come to my house and I might give you sweets, but then I would have to delete you afterwards...

NB This is our actual home carved Doctor Who pumpkin and not just a picture I swiped off the internets. How many sleeps until the Christmas special again?

How do you smuggle a custard pie into parliament?

Something has been bugging me for a few days.

Last year I went to an event at the Houses of Parliament, and the security was incredibly tight - you would let people into your knickers easier than these guys allow you over the threshold of the Palace of Westminster.

So how did that guy manage to smuggle in a flan to fling at Rupert Murdoch?

These are the theories I've come up with so far:

• It was a dehydrated pie and he spend two hours spitting on it to restore it to full size
• He's really Derren Brown and can do whatever he bloody well likes
• Wear pie as a wig. Perhaps this explains why Boris Johnson looks so untroubled by the chaos around him - he's prepared for any assailants by the custard pie he keeps on his head at all times.
• Ensure pie's already in the room, as part of the refreshments. Doable with help, but then again you're a bit stuffed if somebody eats it during the teabreak.
• Blame it on the Tories. This explanation worked well in the Eighties and is still going strong.

What's your theory?