Joanne the Coach

Mind the gap

Somebody lost a baby tooth in our house last week. Normally this would herald much excitement at the arrival of the tooth fairy, but unfortunately the somebody who lost a baby tooth was me.

What is the going rate for the tooth fairy when you're over 40? I think I deserve more than a quid.

So I know what you're thinking - Yes, adults can still have baby teeth. It's not that common, but it happens. Or, as my dentist helpfully put it: "it's a freak of nature". Oh, well I feel much better about looking like a pirate now.

It's left me with a 7mm gap in my teeth. That's not very far if you're running a marathon or leaping a hedge, but when it's at the front of your gob it's pretty frickin huge.

I went for a 3D head scan to ascertain the damage.

"It doesn't look good" said the dentist - not a phrase you really want to hear from a medical professional in a white coat. Then he threw in the "freak of nature" quip, and charged me £100. Nice.

The problem is that the adult tooth that should have grown into the gap is wedged sideways into the gum above where it should be, over the two teeth on either side - sort of like an internal, toothy Stonehenge arrangement.

And there's no real solution, just a series of crap options. I could have a dental bridge, but that would involve knocking down the teeth on either side which are currently perfectly OK. This could damage them, the nerves could die and I kind of zoned out at this point.

The most horrible sounding option involves getting the sideways tooth removed from the gum under general anaesthetic, and getting an implant put in once the wound heals. This would cost around £2K. Oh, and it could also damage the surrounding teeth and make them fall out too. So, essentially an expensive, painful process that could leave things worse than they started.

The down side of having this gap is that it's making me very self conscious when I meet and talk to people. It makes me want to meet and talk to people less. I have a couple of blogger meetups coming up and I'm nervous about them in a way I never have been before. 

It puts me off smiling, and when I do, I go for the closed mouth, Mona Lisa option. I'm aware of it all the time.

So is that worth an unreliable, painful and costly procedure? I honestly don't know.

At the same time I feel bad because, in the scale of things that could be wrong with you, it's pretty minor. I know people who've lost body parts and been more dignified about it.

Ironically, also over the last week, the world has been considering what it is to be so beautiful that Twitter shits itself. But I am going in the opposite direction to Samantha Brick, towards looking so bad that strangers recoil. Hey, maybe there's a feature in that? Just as long as they don't want pictures.

Right now I'm waiting for an appointment at the dental hospital, to get a second opinion. Until then, freak of nature look it is. At least I'll be OK when it's International Talk Like A Pirate Day. It's the rest of the year I'm not so sure about.

TV company seeks people with fear of driving

 For those who have been asking, yes my book about fear of driving is almost

finished. I have about 45,000 words written and am just doing a final check that they all make sense. Then it goes off to the publisher to see what they think.

If you need some help with your driving right now, you might be interested to know that the AA is offering 2000 free two hour Drive Confident courses. Just fill in the form to apply.

Also, the TV series Dangerous Drivers' School is coming back to Channel 5 and is looking for participants. Here's a message from the production team:

"Do you have a son with a need for speed, or is your mum petrified at getting behind the wheel? Does your friend drive so badly you refuse to be their passenger, or are your grandparents housebound because they refuse to use their car? Do you suffer from road rage and think everyone but you should get off the road? If yes, then help is at hand.

Channel 5’s Dangerous Drivers’ School is back and continuing its mission to make our roads safer.

Last year the series turned 18 drivers from ‘accidents waiting to happen’ into safer drivers. In just two hours highly qualified AA instructors rectified a multitude of driving sins. They helped a mum get confidently behind the wheel after 20 years, a joyriding dad slash his speed so he could safely take his kids to school, and a motorway phobic join the rat run with confidence.

The new series wants to find vibrant, outgoing people of any age, from anywhere in the UK, who would like to take part in this great documentary. If you or someone you know needs to kill speed, gain confidence or banish bad habits, then get in touch with the team now.

Email: casting@matchlight.co.uk or call: 0141 342 2055"

Feel the Fear (of Phone Calls) And Do It Anyway

When I worked at Anglia TV, we once had a student come in on work experience who was afraid to pick up the phone. She would look at it ringing and visibly cringe. This was remarkable because it was so unusual - workies in TV production are usually outgoing types who have to be physically restrained from breaking into song. And it was also noteworthy because talking to people on the phone is such a vital media skill - you will pick up so much more talking to a real live person than you ever would in an email.

It seems that phone phobic media students are on the rise, according to this post from Tim Luckhurst at the Centre for Journalism. He argues that your first contact with a source should always be via phone. I don't think that is neccessarily the case - we should be sophisticated enough to judge what's the best way to communicate with potential interviewees. Often that will be via phone, but not always - some people actively prefer interviews via email, or at least an initial emailed request.

I do agree that fear of using the phone does seem to be increasing amongst journalists, and not neccessarily just the new ones. Many experienced writers would rather eat their own eyeballs than call up an editor. If this is you, click here for my tips on how to be more confident on the phone.

Some Confidence Tips (and a Few Words About Pot Plants)

Regular coaching clients will be familiar with the pot plant speech. No, not that type of pot plant.   The pot plant speech is my theory of confidence.

I feel that many people treat confidence as if it were some kind of indoor plant.  They hope that if they nurture it, it'll grow, and maybe one day they'll tuck it under their arm and take it out for a walk.  So they say things like "If I had more confidence I would quit my job/write a book/join a gym/insert scary action of choice".

But confidence doesn't work like that.  It will not grow independently before you do things.  It grows whilst you do them.  So if you are waiting until you're more confident to do something, then your best course of action is probably to take a deep breath and do it anyway.  And as you do, your confidence will increase.

The word confidence derives from the latin meaning 'with faith'.  So it's not about doing things enormously well, or making a big splash neccessarily.  It's about having faith in yourself, trusting that you can deal with whatever life chucks at you.

Some things I believe about confidence

• It never goes in a straight line. Your confidence levels will change with time. 
• The people who appear most confident on the outside are often the most crumbly inside.
• Confidence exists in little pockets throughout your life.  The trick is to access the pockets when you need them.
• Children are born with 100% confidence.  When did you last see an unconfident newborn baby?  Babies don't know enough about the world to be afraid of it, so they have no reason to feel unconfident.  You were born confident, therefore you have it within you.  It may be buried, but it hasn't gone away and you can find it again.

Ways that you can increase your confidence include:

• Take some exercise.  It doesn't much matter what - the point is that you take your focus out of your head and into your body.
• Uplift the externals.  New haircut, clothes you love, nice surroundings - all of these things will have a huge effect on how you feel internally.  Put it another way - sitting around in your oldest jogging trousers with a hole at the knee ain't exactly going to put a whole lot of zipadeedoodah in your day.
• Do something you didn't think people like you did.  So if you think of yourself as being perfectly erudite, go to Butlins.  If you think you're quiet, start singing.  I am a fairly calm person, so I have recently taken up BodyCombat, which involves lots of shouting and strangling imaginary adversaries.  Does me the world of good.
• Talk to a human being.  It's terribly retro, I know, but hiding behind email and text messaging doesn't neccessarily help your confidence.  It might feel like it's keeping you safe, but so much falls through the gaps when you avoid proper conversations.
• Keep a success journal - Even if it's on the back of an envelope, write down your personal successes - the things that made you smile today; the things you're glad you've done; stuff you're proud of having produced.  It'll soon add up. 
• Do something new and (preferably) slightly scary every day.  Today I made a phone call I was avoiding, tomorrow I will eat a papaya etc.  That'll stretch your comfort zone pretty fast.

What are your best confidence tips?