If you're calling the batphone, I will be away for the next few days. (Eurodisney. Don't worry, I have booze). For coaching enquiries, your question might already be answered on the FAQ section of my website.
If it's life-or-death-urgent, call the mobile. If it's interesting-in-a-wry-smile-kinda-way, email and I'll reply over the weekend.
Crikey, it's April already - how did that happen? Got distracted by some Lidl ludicrousness, and the next thing you know the daffodils are up.
So 2008 is already one quarter down. How's it going for you so far?
Every month this year I have been writing down goals I'm aiming for in that month. It's useful, but because everyone gets motivated differently, you have to play around with the wording to find the version that works for you. For some reason, aiming to go to the gym 3 times a week just doesn't do it for me, but when I aim to go 12 times a month, somehow it happens. Why is that? The numbers and results are basically the same.
I am a great believer in the power of writing things down as a trigger to make them happen. Just that little step of taking the idea out of your head and on to the page often seems to be enough to tip it into reality.
If you have been coached by me, you will be familiar with The Big Form I give you to fill in before the first coaching session. I am thinking of renaming it The Magic Form, because it does seem to have powers beyond what's legally decent for a simple piece of paper.
On the back page clients fill in the things they'd like to achieve in the next few months. Over the next few months we tend to look back over the form to see how things are going. Sometimes people will change their goals, and discover that the things they wanted aren't what they thought they were in the first place anyway.
But the amazing part of it is how often people do get exactly what they asked for. So many times, the client and I have gone back over the form and been able to tick off that yes, they did get exactly what they wanted.
So if there's something you want to happen this year, write it down. Don't write it down then lose it. Write it and look back on it regularly: check your progress, change what you need to. These questions will help:
People often assume that January is the busiest month of the year for life and career coaching, what with all that 'New Year, New You' stuff hanging in the air. But I have always found September to be busier, as people get back to work after summer holidays and there's lots of 'You mean this is all I'm coming back to?' hanging around instead.
So yes, January is busy, but not as chocka as you might expect. Most of my clients have fortnightly sessions, so whilst this week is very booked up, next week has spaces.
If you're thinking of arranging some coaching sessions, best place to start is the FAQ section of my website, which will tell you all about what's involved. You could also try out the 'Do You Need A Life Coach?' quiz. And then get in touch if you have any other questions or to book your first session.
Thanks to BBC Radio Solent for inviting me on to their Saturday morning show to talk about fun in the workplace. (Though it did provoke some fury in The Offspring, who don't like to be disturbed from their regular Saturday morning date with Toonattik - "Muuuuuum, what are you doing uuuuuup! Go back to bed!")
Anyway, Solent's attention had been drawn to this report in The Sunday Times. Apparently the workplace is a fun place to be these days, with companies investing in ever more exotic ways to keep their staff smiling. A happy workforce is a more productive workforce, the theory goes. Also it's far more expensive to recruit new staff than it is to keep the workers you've already got, so anything that aids the staff-retention mission makes economic sense.
Obviously this won't work with every workplace - you wouldn't want to turn up to your local funeral parlour to find the staff doing a conga or playing table football. And if you've seen The Office, you'll know the inevitable conclusion of a boss imposing their definition of fun on a workforce.
As for the reported army of "fun-sultants" who are apparently beaming in to help with this corporte sanctioned merriment - ye gods! If you ever turn up to work and your boss says that the fun-sultants are coming in today, just turn on your heel and walk away fast. Or maybe that's just me.
When I am working with a client who wants to find a new job, one of the first things we do is to look at what their ideal job might consist of. And the interesting thing is that fun doesn't always figure terribly highly in the list. Far more highly prized are
Basically, nobody wants to feel like a hamster in a wheel, taking pointless action which ultimately leads nowhere. It's good if your culture at work has space for fun, but that won't neccessarily be enough to make a workforce feel valued enough to want to stay. Buying a round of lollipops is not enough.
Lesson one at coaching school tells us that coaching is definitely not about giving advice. The reason for this goes to the root of all personal development - for true fulfillment, it's vital to take responsibility for your own life.
If you act based on my advice and it works out, that's a victory for me. If it doesn't work out, you can blame me. At no point are you taking responsibility for your own actions. It won't help your confidence or self esteem one iota and will simply reinforce the (mistaken) notion that you can't do it yourself.
On the other hand, if you act based on your own instincts and it works out, that's a much more powerful step to take. And if it doesn't work then at least you tried. You're standing on your own two feet as an active participant in your own life, rather than a passive victim.
However, when coaches start working with real clients, applying this tenet can become a struggle. After all, people become coaches because they want to help others. And at first the natural impulse is to want to be the expert, to jump in with suggestions and lots of 'I know what will help with that'. And some clients will directly ask "What's your advice? What would you do?". It's up to the coach to develop the ability to leave their judgements behind and help the client find their own solutions.
So what is the coach to do when they feel they have the answers to what the client is seeking? I think the first step is to recognise how much of this is the coach's own ego getting in the way. How can any of us presume to have the answers to anyone's life but our own? When you think you know what's best for another person, then you're probably wrong.
However, wrapped up in this are the client's expectations. Coaching clients today have a clearer idea of what they want and do expect that the coach will have some sort of specialist knowledge and background to bring to the table. I am a media coach, I have worked in the media one way or another for over 20 years. So I know the culture, the issues, the language, the challenges. I know how successful media freelancers operate, and which websites and resources are more useful than others. Would it really be serving my clients to sit on this knowledge and wait for them to find it themselves? I think not. Maybe you could call it giving advice if I let a client know about a book they might find useful, but is still up to the client to take action and read the thing. And of course how they apply it will differ with each individual. There is a big difference in saying to a client 'I think you should do X' and letting them know that X exists. The whole point of coaching is to get people moving faster than they would alone, and this is one of the ways we do this.
My way of approaching this and using my experience without actually advising the client is to say 'Other people in your situation find X helpful, others don't, still others do Y or Z' so that it becomes part of the coaching conversation and the ideas which are being generated. It's up to the client to choose which idea they want to adopt - could be one of theirs or mine or a combination of both, or neither. Ultimately clients make their own decisions about what they need to do next, and the coaching framework ensures that they do more than they would have done alone.
And the funny thing is, my clients sometimes say 'Thanks for all your advice' when I have been quite careful not to give them any. It wasn't me who gave you all that great advice, it was you.
Apologies for minimal posting lately, but I fell deep into the hole that is New Term Madness. Suffice to say that the UK school system has sliced my day up into little pockets of not-much-use, and it has been a challenge to find a way of working that actually works. But we're getting there now.
~ ~ Deep breaths ~ ~
And relax.
September can be a funny old time. Even if it's aeons since you were last in school, it still retains an air of the new term about it - sort of like a mini January, with the added attraction of crunchy leaves to jump on. Maybe it's because summer holidays are a good time for seeing life in a new perspective, and the Autumn then becomes the time to put those ideas into action. So this is why the divorce rate tends to spike in September - it seems that spending concentrated time with your partner can be enough to push many relationships over the edge.
But it's not all gloom and doom because September is a great time to think back to what you intended to do at the start of the year, and plan what you intend to do by the end of it. Clients coming for coaching in September tend to be keenest on kickstarting their careers or businesses. When you've spent time away from your job, coming back to it can often mean one of two things:
1. A feeling of 'Aaargh - what am I doing in this fecking awful job? - there has to be more to life than this!' (Most commonly said by politicians and TV producers)
2. A sense of potential and of being ready to take the next step, career-wise - whether that means taking on new work, expanding your skills, earning more money or just saying Yes to new opportunities, even the scary ones.
Whichever it is for you, you will know when the time to fly is now. Hiring a life coach will help you do it faster, but ultimately you do have to grow your own wings.
Time off is essential to give you new perspectives so hopefully you've had a break which has given you the clarity to see what needs to happen next. And if you can't remember the last break you had, then that's the best sign that you need one now. Go on, knock off early today. I promise not to tell anyone.
Right, I'm back back baaack from hollybobs (as they used to say when Smash Hits was edited by Smurfs). Not officially back coaching clients yet - that starts in September, though the diary is filling up so get in touch if you're thinking about booking some coaching sessions.
Little bloblets of work still happening - just did an interview with a newspaper in Finland (Question - Should Britney Spears, Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan rejeuvenate their careers by appearing on a reality show? Answer - Joanne burbles on at length, the gist of which is 'NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!')
Holiday was good for books and badgers. We had peanut-eating badgers who would visit the holiday homestead every night, though I suspect if they could work out how to open the packets themselves they wouldn't have bothered.
Also read a quartet of good books. Many people read personal development/self improvement books on holiday, but I read those all year round so reckoned it was time for something different. Started off with Out of the Tunnel by Rachel North. I was interested in this because it's about the author surviving both the 7th July London tube bombings, and being attacked and raped by a stranger. I particularly wanted to read her thoughts and experiences of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, something I also experienced after my house burned down when I was in it. It's an unforgettably powerful book, maybe not the best choice for a holiday read because it does take you to darker places, but ultimately an uplifting story of an incredible woman.
Also quite dark and mysterious, verging on the creepy, then veering left into spooky was Sebastian Beaumont's Thirteen. It' s the fictional story of a Brighton taxi driver and his adventures with the mysterious creatures who pop up on the nightshift. I'm almost sure it's a great book - my only reservations are because it's quite distracting reading a book based where you live, even if it's painting the picture through a dream. Hubby and I took turns at reading this and were forever poking each other and saying 'Look - he's gone in our local curry house! He's in a pub I go to!' and other such fascinating snippets. (We do have depths in our shallows BTW, but it was like this guy was stalking us).
Then swiftly on to Arlington Park by Rachel Cusk, which is an entirely different kettle of discontented housewives. Had mixed feelings about this one - there's terrific writing in there, but ultimately there wasn't one woman in there who was happy with her life. They were all hacked off, usually with their men or their children or both. There was also lots and lots of rain, making it the perfect holiday companion.
Besides rain, no holiday is complete without a bonkers family, but if you can't supply your own then Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs is a good alternative. Read it if you are a particularly safety-conscious parent who could do with a few laughs and a good dose of the horrors.
In an average coaching session, the client will talk for about 80-90% of the time, and the coach makes up the rest, give or take some silent thinking time. Some clients say they feel guilty for talking about themselves for such an extended period of time, but that's the point - a coaching session is a time to focus on you. But it's not something we normally do in day to day life, so it can feel a bit odd - kind of luxurious, sometimes uncomfortable but also quite mind-expanding and uplifting.
So as the coach, when it's my turn to speak I aim to make it useful and say what needs to be said - no idle musings or waffle. Don't always manage it, sometimes make no sense at all. If I think I can get away with it without sounding too naff, I might quote Gandhi, specifically when he said 'Be the change you want to see in the world'. I LOVE the sentiments of that simple statement. It's so true, yet so hard to put into practice. It's all about personal politics and taking responsibility for your reality. Whatever you are looking for from others, start by giving it out yourself. If you want more love in your life, be loving, and so on.
There's a popular misconception that coaching is all about giving advice and telling people what they need to do to sort out their lives. Certainly, sorting out of the client's life will get done, but that happens through the coach asking questions and helping the client to take an objective view of their life. The theory behind this is again all about personal responsibility. If I tell you how to sort your life out (assuming that I know - and why would I? Surely you are the expert in your own life), then how does that equip you to be stronger in the future? Improving your own life is far more likely to work when you do it yourself. A coach can support you, but they can't do it for you.
The coach will also bring some tools & exercises to the party. I have written exercises I use regularly with clients which will help with specific issues such as finding a new job or building confidence - stuff like the interview confidence exercise described earlier.
Working with a coach can be an absolutely transformational experience. But it may be harder work than you thought. Don't expect the coach to be some kind of new age Mary Poppins who will step in to sort your life out. That's not how it works. It's better than that.
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