Parents! Is your teenage daughter or gay son weeping?
Are they mumbling about "all the feels", asking that you not forget to be awesome and doing this hand move:
If you say the word 'Okay' do they start crying some more?
It's time to stock up on tissues, as The Fault in Our Stars has arrived in cinemas.
Last week I went to a preview fan screening of The Fault in Our Stars film and let me tell you, it was quite the event.
Imagine a cinema ful of hundreds of teenage girls weeping for 125 minutes, and me in the middle of it feeling about 20 years too old for it all.
There was a small amount of laughter and held breath during a glimpse of the male lead's abs, but mostly there was lots and lots of crying.
I didn't cry and I felt a bit dirty for it. These girls would've beat me over the head with their books for that, no question.
Odeon Cinemas had decided to celebrate the event by cranking up the ticket price to £13, for which my empty wallet does not thank them.
The Fault in Our Stars is a difficult story for adults to approach. Once you know it's about teenagers with advanced stage cancer, you can tell straight away that it's unlikely to end happily.
It's giving nothing away to say that this is not Grease and nobody is exiting the cinema in a flying car.
But teenagers, with their carefree attitude to living forever/dying young, and their abundance of feels (as we are calling feelings nowadays) seem much less bothered by this.
So is it a good movie? It was hard to tell above the crying, but I did find it engaging, with great chemistry from the leads. For the parents and David Lynch fans, the cast includes the fabulous Laura Dern and Willem Dafoe. It's certainly a beautiful looking movie, with an abundance of Instagram-inspired shades and a misty soundtrack from the likes of Ed Sheeran and Jake Bugg.
So parents, if your child is off to see The Fault in Our Stars, pack them off with plenty of tissues and prepare to rehydrate them with hot chocolate and eye drops when they return. At this point your teen will love you more than they ever have before, but make the most of it because they will be back to giving you the stinkeye by the next day.
You could go and see it yourself, but you would be in the minority. Parents, this film is not for you, though your teenager would probably like it if you read the book.
Bring a tin of gin. Don't share it with the teens. If you don't actually cry then pretend you did, lest the nerdfighters get you when you're asleep.