What Really Goes On In A Life Coaching Session?

In an average coaching session, the client will talk for about 80-90% of the time, and the coach makes up the rest, give or take some silent thinking time. Some clients say they feel guilty for talking about themselves for such an extended period of time, but that's the point - a coaching session is a time to focus on you.  But it's not something we normally do in day to day life, so it can feel a bit odd - kind of luxurious, sometimes uncomfortable but also quite mind-expanding and uplifting.

So as the coach, when it's my turn to speak I aim to make it useful and say what needs to be said - no idle musings or waffle.  Don't always manage it, sometimes make no sense at all.  If I think I can get away with it without sounding too naff, I might quote Gandhi, specifically when he said 'Be the change you want to see in the world'.  I LOVE the sentiments of that simple statement.  It's so true, yet so hard to put into practice.  It's all about personal politics and taking responsibility for your reality.  Whatever you are looking for from others, start by giving it out yourself.  If you want more love in your life, be loving, and so on.

There's a popular misconception that coaching is all about giving advice and telling people what they need to do to sort out their lives.  Certainly, sorting out of the client's life will get done, but that happens through the coach asking questions and helping the client to take an objective view of their life.  The theory behind this is again all about personal responsibility.  If I tell you how to sort your life out (assuming that I know - and why would I?  Surely you are the expert in your own life), then how does that equip you to be stronger in the future?  Improving your own life is far more likely to work when you do it yourself.  A coach can support you, but they can't do it for you.

The coach will also bring some tools & exercises to the party.  I have written exercises I use regularly with clients which will help with specific issues such as finding a new job or building confidence - stuff like the interview confidence exercise described earlier.

Working with a coach can be an absolutely transformational experience.  But it may be harder work than you thought.  Don't expect the coach to be some kind of new age Mary Poppins who will step in to sort your life out.  That's not how it works.  It's better than that.